Anger, outbursts...

Easter-card from here.

Came to think of the dad justifying his abuse - outbursts and reactions (uncontrolled) which also were justified by the environment (and not only the closest, most immediate, but also among "the public at large") - with his tough work-situation and heavy workload for instance… (were other's, daughters' and wives', tough situations excused in the same way or at all? Their tough situation or workload was invisible, noone saw it, it wasn't counted? Were they allowed reacting with – justified – anger or allowed being sad, feeling humiliated, and enormously unfairly treated? Or allowed questioning the treatment they received?). Who can and "shall" change this, who tries to change this - in general?

Are there some who are forced doing something? Is it those with more (or the most) power who are forced?

From earlier posting (July 2, 2007):

”Nothing is wrong with me, but everything is wrong with you and the rest of the world he often thinks angrily when things haven’t gone his way. And usually he is convinced that he is absolutely justified in his judgments.

He is not plagued by doubts about his own ideas concerning the wickedness or uselessness of others, preferably the children and wife. He will feel irritation, anger or even almost murderous rage towards others, but never he will feel his own vulnerability and pain, vulnerability and pain that would come up if he acknowledged that his needs weren’t being (hadn’t been) met.

The angry behavior gives people employing this defence mechanism (false power anger) a sense of power; it makes them feel strong, stronger than the other. This illusion of strength can actually feel very good, just as the illusion of the person employing the false power – denial of needs defence mechanism, has of being problem free, feels good. So to a certain degree and always temporarily, the false power defence can, just as false hope defence, make us feel good.

Underneath the surface feeling there is, however, discomfort. The person who employs false power anger defence, is often troubled by conflicts. He is apt to alienate those close to him by telling them he doesn’t want them in his life anymore /…/ The person who is prone to not having any problems (false power denial of needs defence) will often find that his life is lacking in vital energy. That a true spark is missing. He also may be lonely because of the difficulty he has of sharing himself.

Although false power can temporarily make us feel good, the pain of the child we were can never be healed by acting in the present as if we are powerful over others, or as if we don’t have any needs. It is not real power; it is an illusion of power, false power, which only gives temporary relief from old pain. The pain will be brought up again and again when we inevitably confront symbolic people or situations, and therefore the need to engage in a false power defence will arise time and again. The result will be that we are caught in relationships with other people that are either lacking in true intimacy, or are full of control.”

Earlier postings under the label “False Power – denial of needs.”

And never the two meet?? Does this create even more anger? And impotence, powerlessness feelings? Where are the roots? Whose responsibility? What is justified anger and what is less justified? What is about ow and what is about then? What is taking responsibility for oneself?

The children (not least the daughters?) were learned taking responsibility? It was their fault that the dad got so angry? It was their fault they were treated as they were? Noone helped them to question the treatment!? And how come - in turn? A vicious circle perpetuated and perpetuated in all endlessness?? Till the earth is destroyed?

And once again I think Anja is right: the perpetrator/s can't push the responsibility away for not having been prevented from committing abuse/crimes (for committing verbal, mental, physical, sexual etc. abuse claiming it was the other person's own fault that he/she reacted as he/she did)! Blaming someone else!?? But I can imagine one could (and maybe ought to) get furious on those who mistreated one in the beginning of life?? And there is probably also justified anger in the present too... But all are still responsible for what they say, do, how they behave?? And noone is allowed to mistreat even the worst criminal? Or?

Of course I as grown up can understand the roots for my parents behaviours, and I think the small child could this too in a much higher degree than we believe, but this never liberated the child or later adult (it never healed any wounds). And didn't protect her/him from abusing other people in turn (both own children and grown ups; lower in power, weaker, more vulnerable because of early abuse, maybe added with renewed abuse as grown up etc. The contempt for weakness, i.e., the weak, vulnerable child inside one don't want coming in contact with? Rather you act this out on others, maybe entirely innocent people, and even on those who don't want you anything but good?? Own children and wife).

But of course there are also women acting uncontrolled at their children... And that is as bad. Of course I have to add!!??

I referred to the posting "I beg to differ" in this posting "Evilness and responsibility."

I also looked in the book "Base Instincts - What Makes Killers Kill?" by Jonathan H. Pincus...