Neo authoritarianism and self centeredness…

There are a couple of themes I am thinking on…

Our bosses and how they are acting. How our female, and highest boss, is acting.

The self-centredness today.

My quiet thoughts: Not mentioning the purpose is quite authoritarian. We are treated in tis way in both small and bigger things. Told what to do with no information of why. We are supposed to just accept, i.e. not really call things in question. We have no right to know. We are treated as if as if we are no thinking people? We shall just do. Obey and keep quiet.

Our female boss doesn’t even seem to think on this. Explaining why we shall do this and that or change things to something else doesn’t seem to exist in her repertoire of thoughts or behaviors? No, it plainly doesn’t seem to exist (how was she as parent?). Why this lack? Was she born like this? Her genes? Innate traits in all of us? Or?

A sidetrack: how is this model for us when we deal with our students? Do we expect the same obedience from our students? That they shall just swallow what we tell them to do?

I can’t help wondering how she was brought up.

It’s the same neoauthoritarian (and neoconservative) tendencies in the whole society. It’s those models (good and bad) bosses have from the highest bosses in this society and the most authoritarian leaders are elected too? Obey and keep quiet. Don’t question any state of affairs or at least not certain state of affairs (i.e. what the power says, but “weak” people you can use as scapegoats). And, yes, amazingly few people seem to question this. How have we been raised?

I searched on an earlier posting on those themes and found a posting where Arthur Silber has written:

“The wish for unquestioning, unresisting obedience is coming true in America, more and more each day.”

And this made me think even further on something else I had read on he psychohistory list, in an essay about teaching children obedience (in school, the authoritarianism) and found what I was looking for in the essay “Freedom of Speech”:

“US state power over its citizens has been steadily increasing since the civil war, yet children are trained in schools to be blind to this fact. The US media and University system has heavily groomed the adult population to look to the national government to solve all their problems, even problems of basic emotions like fears and anxieties. The efficacy of this indoctrination into passivity can clearly be seen in lack of outrage over the recent destruction of the US legal system.

I don't think it's a coincidence at all that the same vote that over turned a speedy trial by jury also legalized torture. This is an action to frighten the population into unquestioning obedience. It is the next logical step for absolute state power after torturing people outside of the US. This vote purposely says to the US people 'when government people say jump, you say ‘how high’ or you will probably get tortured and raped just like the Iraqi's.’ The unsaid but obvious threat is the classic psychological assault of bullies, abusers and organized criminals everywhere.

However, the big secret for slave states is that it doesn't matter what you say or do, you will get impoverished, imprisoned, tortured and killed at some point no matter what. By speaking out we have absolutely nothing to lose and our very lives to gain.”

Societal approval...

Another theme is something a blogger (and leader writer) here wrote in a blogposting. She was going to take part in a café talking about

“I, I, I. What about ‘We’ then? - How to create a ‘We’ in a self centred era.”

What would a sound selfishness be about? Or should we use another vocabulary? Is the word 'selfishness' appropriate? Because it’s rather a question of sound protection of oneself? How do we achieve such a sound protection of ourselves?

By (truly) respecting our kids boundaries? By not violating them? How many of us are really capable of doing this?

Earlier postings on texts by Helle Klein. See for instance "In the individualism’s era..."

The obedience culture or "well intentioned" violence…

in the middle of the music.

[Addition February 7: It's quite horrible that people in Sweden, people in a country that was first in the world to ban corporal punishment, are talking about using methods described in my postings about the school politics in Sweden (see recent postings), and that they are using them too! Not only talking about using them, but also using them in the reality.

That "young" politicians here in this country are for harder grips, that they are so neoauthoritarian and neoconservative. That's really terrible. And extremely sad. Stupendous. Even tragic?

I wonder about the reasons for this. Have my ideas...

Has with THEIR upbringing to do. They don't begrudge young people pf today (and weak groups in the society) having it better (or good, living a decent life) than they had (or wee allowed)?

They show contempt for weakness, because they are denying what they have in their own backpacks. Honoring the "strong" ones.

What this "strength" is about?

Is this praised strength about keeping ones feelings, emotions and, certain, needs in check? Actually maybe honoring the most damaged people?? Yes, are we in the society all over the word nactually honring the most hurt and damaged?

What's real, genuine strength actually?

And the most psychologically defended tend to lead. And those now leading (and given the leadership) are approving of those things, making it possible for other hurt and damaged people to join this choir. Horrible.]

Struck me the other day: bosses and leaders (as politicians) just giving orders, expecting that people shall just do and swallow everything, with no explanation why there are new rules, conditions - what is that?

Is that the obedience culture? (Neo)authoritarianism? See earlier postings on the school politics in Sweden of today, with harder grips, limit setting etc.; "The neoliberalism and the school...", "Nanny-methods nothing for a democratic school..." and "About the presumed discipline problems in the school in Sweden…

And the abuse (violence) doesn't have to have with "only" spankings to do, it can be about other sorts of abuse, as emotional, verbal, psychological, too.

"...of all the many forms of child abuse, emotional abuse may be the cruelest and longest-lasting of all.”

"Emotional abuse is the systematic diminishment of another. It may be intentional or subconscious (or both), but it is always a course of conduct, not a single event. It is designed to reduce a child's self-concept to the point where the victim considers himself unworthy—unworthy of respect, unworthy of friendship, unworthy of the natural birthright of all children: love and protection." (Andrew Vachss)

Arthur Silber uses the expression/notion “the obedience culture” and quotes Alice Miller (in his essay “The Ravages of Tribalism (IV): The Unknown Country: The World of the Uninjured Child”):

“Poisonous pedagogy is a phrase I use to refer to the kind of parenting and education aimed at breaking a child's will and making that child into an obedient subject by means of overt or covert coercion, manipulation, and emotional blackmail.

In my books For Your Own Good and Thou Shall Not Be Aware, I have explained the concept using concrete examples. In my other books I have repeatedly stressed how the mendacious mentality behind this approach to dealing with children can leave long-lasting imprints on the way we think and relate to one another in our adult lives./…/

There is a good deal else that would not exist without ‘poisonous pedagogy.’ It would be inconceivable, for example, for politicians mouthing empty clichés to attain the highest positions of power by democratic means. But since voters, who as children would normally have been capable of seeing through these clichés with the aid of their feelings, were specifically forbidden to do so in their early years, they lose this ability as adults. The capacity to experience the strong feelings of childhood and puberty (which are so often stifled by child-rearing methods, beatings, or even drugs) could provide the individual with an important means of orientation with which he or she could easily determine whether politicians are speaking from genuine experience or are merely parroting time-worn platitudes for the sake of manipulating voters. Our whole system of raising and educating children provides the power-hungry with a ready-made railway network they can use to reach the destination of their choice. They need only push the buttons that parents and educators have already installed.”

Here Silber’s interpretation of this:

"By demanding obedience above all from a child (whether by physical punishment, by psychological means, or through some combination of both), parents forbid the child from fostering an authentic sense of self. Because children are completely dependent on their parents, they dare not question their parents' goodness, or their 'good intentions.' As a result, when children are punished, even if they are punished for no reason or for a reason that makes no sense, they blame themselves and believe that the fault lies within them. In this way, the idealization of the authority figure is allowed to continue. In addition, the child cannot allow himself to experience fully his own pain, because that, too, might lead to questioning of his parents.

In this manner, the child is prevented from developing a genuine, authentic sense of self. As he grows older, this deadening of his soul desensitizes the child to the pain of others. Eventually, the maturing adult will seek to express his repressed anger on external targets, since he has never been allowed to experience and express it in ways that would not be destructive. By such means, the cycle of violence is continued into another generation (using 'violence' in the broadest sense). One of the additional consequences is that the adult, who has never developed an authentic self, can easily transfer his idealization of his parents to a new authority figure./…/

Gibson ... clearly conveyed that his father, his father's goodness, the fact that his father was worthy of deep admiration, and -- above all -- his father's authority were not to be questioned; all of these were immutable facts, absolutes beyond all debate or questioning. It is this mindset, and this refusal to allow even the smallest possibility that his father might be mistaken -- even with regard to a supremely significant issue such as the Holocaust -- that lead Gibson to equivocate unforgivably in his own statements about whether the Holocaust actually occurred. Whatever else is open to discussion, the worth, the authority and the inherent goodness of his father cannot be broached.”

Also see Silber in his essay “The Roots of Horror: The Demand for Obedience”.

We shall only obey and keep quiet!?

Also see his essay "Instilling Obedience and Denial, Continued":

“Another story about one of the U.S. soldiers involved in the Iraqi prison abuse story, and how he came from a military family and ‘knows how to follow instructions.’"

And also "From Mild Smacking to Outright Torture and War: The Lie of 'Well-Intentioned Violence'":

“Some news stories that show how our society commonly accepts violence, and even brutal sadism, toward children. I also examine again the dynamics of the denial in which most adults engage, and I excerpt Miller's article, ‘Why Every Smack Is A Humiliation.’"

The Children’s Ombudsman in Sweden on children's rights...

from a walk today.

picture taken from here "Who is Lena Nyberg?"

[Slightly edited and updated December 14].

Yesterday at one of my workplaces I read the article ”We need an entirely different school debate”, from ”Nattvandrarmagasinet” number 2 Oktober 2008, where the Children’s Ombudsman in Sweden Lena Nyberg gave her thoughts on the school and children. In my a little free translation from Swedish:

Lena Nyberg spoke about adults in school and thinks the competence in the personnel is altogether crucial.

I agree. Something we need to develop, and need help developing, and talking about we working in the school or with young people in health care etc.

She thinks that it is important that adults manage to see the students. Children need to be seen and motivated she says. So we need to see ourselves in the first place (my addition).

“Today the school most often has an adult perspective I think is very out-of-date, obsolete. We shall raise our kids to independent individuals, who can call things/phenomena in question, be critical, curious and eager to learn. Besides they shall gradually be competitive in a European and international world, and put Sweden on the map.

Against this we have a school system where the idea in many respect is that the students shall be quiet, disciplined and do as they are told. This doesn’t fit together so to speak.”

she declares and looks like a real warrior!!!!

“We need an entirely new school debate!

Yes, a school debate where important questions about the basis of values [värdegrundsfrågor] are at the focus.”

She asks for a mutual respect between us adults and our children and young people. My comment: But it is this with power imbalance. So this with showing respect lies more on the adult… Or the greatest responsibility in this respect lies on the adult.

She also speaks about children’s right to culture. She thinks aesthetic learning processes are interesting, as well as their connection to the article 12 in the Convention on the Rights of the Child, the article she thinks is a great tool when we shall meet children’s and young people’s needs.

It reads as follows:

Article 12

1. States Parties shall assure to the child who is capable of forming his or her own views the right to express those views freely in all matters affecting the child, the views of the child being given due weight in accordance with the age and maturity of the child.

2. For this purpose, the child shall in particular be provided the opportunity to be heard in any judicial and administrative proceedings affecting the child, either directly, or through a representative or an appropriate body, in a manner consistent with the procedural rules of national law.

For Lena it is evident that children are entitled to culture and different ways of expressing themselves. An important tool helping them to create a better self-esteem and thus a greater safety, as she expresses it.

I agree. And this goes along with ideas like the ones in Reggio Emilia for instance. And her ideas about respect for the child with the work in the Summerhill school.

When it comes to the spare time and sports sector she has a clear opinion.

“The children and young people of our time are consumers. If there is money there is a great selection of spare time, but the risk is that we get a dividing up between those who can afford and those who can’t afford.

The sports activities play an important role. /…/

My only wish is that they [the ones responsible there] could better meet each individual’s needs, so that each one can continue with her/his big interest so long as he/she wishes and that one became even better in reaching more children and young people.”

It suddenly struck me yesterday in the middle of everything (there has been a couple of articles about aesthetic expressions and occupations recently, maybe because of coming changes in our gymnasium education that are announced) about the ones in power in Sweden today (the politicians, especially in our current government): do they begrudge young people being alive, free, autonomous, self-secure in a healthy and genuine way?

That they (the ones in power) aren't genuinely alive, free, autonomous, is that why they are now talking so much (entirely) about discipline, grades etc.??? And not about other solutions? And is that he reason why they see the problems in school as they see?

But we aren't born in this way. We weren't born emotionally numb or dead. We became that way. But we don't have to continue being like this. However, the work to recover can be really tough. Really, really tough. Think if we hadn't become harmed in the first place! Thinking loudly here...

Sidetrack: people should become encouraged to raise their voices instead of the opposite!? Even if their language isn't perfect! Their spelling and grammar has flaws. How many voices aren't silenced? How many voices aren't censored that shouldn't have been censored? And are there people screaming loudly and taking up all the space that maybe shouldn't have all this space? Why do they need all this space? Quite ironic.

I know of a girl struggling with everything on her own. Trying to understand, to develop on her own. Afraid of taking too much space, feeling shame and gilt because she did. Whose fault was this actually?

And I was tipped about this open letter to President Barack Obama from Alice Miller and other Children’s Rights Advocates by a person standing very close to me.

Also see the site Global Initiative to End All Corporal Punishment. There you can read:

The Global Initiative aims to:

• form a strong alliance of human rights agencies, key individuals and non-governmental organisations against corporal punishment;
• make corporal punishment of children visible by building a global map of its prevalence and legality, ensuring that children's views are heard and charting progress towards ending it;
• lobby state governments systematically to ban all forms of corporal punishment and to develop public education programmes;
• provide detailed technical assistance to support states with these reforms.

Also see Important Issues from The Children’s Ombudsman’s site.

About the Convention on the Rights of the Child (barnkonventionen) in Swedish. And in English.

Needs and authoritarianism…

Max Weber and authority.

This morning I came to think of perverted, bottomless needs. Needs that never will get filled or satisfied, because they should have got filled then (in childhood).

How much money, power etc. you get they will never get filled, more than temporary. Money, power etc. can give temporary relief. But sooner or less you need new (or more) power, money…The original, justified needs have become perverted.

What has the hunger for power and money caused during history, and what does it continue to cause?

I thought of greediness, i.e. bottomless needs… What we see today in the world society. People think that the/this greediness isn’t entirely bad. That greed has driven people to achievements they wouldn’t otherwise show. I don’t really agree. Can’t there be drives of other kinds, that aren’t (at all) destructive or self-destructive?? I think there are, but maybe quite rare?

This is also, in a seemingly paradoxical way, denial of needs!!?? Denial of the early needs, while at the same permitting adults (perverted) needs. But it’s like this it has always been!!?? Allowing the adults needs and forbidding children’s. A phenomenon we are probably more or less blind to?? And more or less aware of. Maybe totally blind and unaware to in many cases, and some people are totally blind and unaware to it? And those are often the ones needing power and control, as much as possible??

Thought further: on Friday afternoon I had a long conversation about a lot of things, from this to that, with a person who is responsible for Rotary scholarships for young people. A young Swedish woman reflected over the difference between how Swedish children and adolescents are treated compared to how they were treated in the country she had visited on her year as holder of a Rotary scholarship. Things she had reacted at. Namely that parents (and teachers??) in the country she visited were quite authoritarian (mine, not her expression, she didn’t use this word I think). The parents simply said:

“You have to…!!” “You can’t do that!” etc.

And if the child/young person asked

“Why??” “Why not?”

The reply was simply

“Therefore!”

with no more explanations.

Obey and keep quite, don’t question anything!?? The parents’ words are the law?? And they are always right?? What about mutual respect and a real, genuine meeting/communication?

I thought further on this; about authoritarianism in a so called therapeutic circumstance (and also what Miller has written; that there are maybe as many ways to recovery as there are people in this world!! And the importance of maybe being aware of this and getting inspired by this too!). Just being given the message that your message (as subscriber to a list in this case) has been received, but not posted on the forum, because the moderator trusted her gut-feeling (??). And no explanation why… Isn’t it exactly the same as above? And maybe also a repetition of an early experience perhaps? I wonder how recovering this is?? And if it has harmed people??

Fatalism…

Michael Milburn and a water colour painting by him.

from this site (I got an e-postcard this morning from a friend).

Some morning reflections: I react a lot at our current government (a government I hope becomes short-lived and doesn't destroy too much in the society, but I fear they are going to destroy a lot more than they have already done). And this takes a lot of time and energy for me of some reason?

I wonder what is driving them (and what is driving me?). Probably a lot they aren’t aware of themselves? Or all their drives are probably not conscious (is this to exaggerate)? And why do people in general go on these politicians rhetoric? What is driving them? Do they know what is driving them?

With this not said I know myself so much better than people in general (with a tired smile).

And as the creatively working I am I think hardly any of all our politicians (neither here than anywhere else) show creative traits… And no interests in these things either!! At least hardly any genuine, deep, passionate interests. And I react too on a certain sort of snobbishness…

There are no access between the “right” and “left” brain? The Swedish physician Christina Doctare wrote in her book “Hjärnstress” (“Brain Stress”) that she thinks the future leaders need to have both IQ and EQ and jolly good/proper broad bands between those.

Alice Miller writes at page 188 in her book “The Truth Will Set You Free”:

“As a child I, too, had to learn to keep my mouth shut and stop asking ‘Why?’ of people whom I knew would give me an evasive [undvikande, kringgående] answer. Later I tried to answer those questions for myself and in so doing discovered the supreme commandments running through our upbringing and education: ‘Thou shalt not be mindful of the things done to you or the things you have done to others.’ I then realized that for thousand of years this commandment has prevented us from telling good from evil, identifying the wrongs done to us in childhood and sparing our own children the same fate./…/

If we deny the wounds inflicted on us, we will inflict those same wounds on the next generation. Unless, that is, we make a decision in favour of knowledge.”

But for doing this journey we probably need help? If we have to do it on our own it will take a lot of time, and we will probably inflict harm on others during it, but hopefully less big...

Our politicians are pretty authoritarian, and “knowing best”…

The American neurologist Jonathan Pincus writes about how abuse might lead you bigotry.

Miller also writes at page 189 -190 in “The Truth…”:

“Like Frank McCourt, many people today say, ‘My childhood was awful, but it had its moments, and the main thing is that I survived it all and can write about it. It’s the way of the world.’ I find such an attitude fatalistic and believe that we can rebel against this kind of childhood and do our bit to ensure that it will cease [upphöra, sluta upp med] to exist, or at least cease to be so common.

To a child, an unemployed father (like McCourt’s) spending his dole money [arbetslöshetsunderstöd?] on drink is an inescapable trick of fate: the child has no alternative but to come to terms with such realities. Children may in some vague way intuit that they are not really being perceived [sedda, varseblivna, uppfattade] by their parents for what they are, that the parents need them as scapegoats. But their minds cannot grasp the facts/…/

They take refuge in compassion for their parents, and the feeling of love will help them retain some modicum of dignity in spite of the mistreatment.

But children forced to overlook the cruelty born of irresponsibility and indifference on the part of their parents are in danger of blindly adopting this attitude themselves and staying bogged down [stående i ett träsk? Fatalismens träsk?] in the fatalistic ideology that declares evil to be the way of the world. As adults they will retain [hålla kvar] the perspective of the helpless child with no alternative but to come to terms with this fate. They will not know that, paradoxically, they can only grow out of this childlike attitude if they lose their fear of the wrath [vrede] of God (their parents) and are willing to inform themselves about the destructive consequences of repressed childhood traumas. But if they do become alive to this truth, they will regain [återfå, återvinna] their lost sensibility for the suffering of children and free themselves of their emotional blindness.”

Earlier postings under the label Christina Doctare and on empathy deficits here and here.

See Arthur Silber and his Alice Miller essays. Words that comes back in the titles to these essays are "obedience", "denial", "innocence" it feels... For instance Silber writes about the consequences of denial, see “THE ROOTS OF HORROR: The Consequences of Denial”:

“…the results of the mechanism of denial and obedience, a mechanism which requires that reality be obliterated [utplånad, förintad], so that the threat of unpleasant facts cannot come too close and so that authority will not be questioned -- even when those facts lead to the deaths of untold millions of people and a war that engulfs the entire world.

People ought to consider this warning from history -- before it becomes too late, once again. Unfortunately, if history itself is any guide, all such warnings will be disregarded [ignorerade, åsidosatta], and the nightmare [mardröm] may envelop [svepa in, inhölja] us still another time.”

Also read about "Pro-War Personality Disorder". There it stands for instance:

"Kurt Vonnegut, author of the anti-war novel Slaughterhouse Five, said in an online article that he believes many corporate executives and government leaders are afflicted with psychopathic personalities which match actual textbook definitions.

‘PPs [Psychopathic personalities?] are presentable, they know full well the suffering their actions may cause others, but they do not care... Unlike normal people, they are never filled with doubts, for the simple reason that they cannot care what happens next. Simply can't. Do this! Do that! Mobilize the reserves! Privatize the public schools! Attack Iraq! Cut health care! Tap everybody's telephone! Cut taxes on the rich...’

Why are political views more deeply divided in America than anywhere else in the free world? According to Michael Milburn, a psychologist at the University of Massachusetts [who seem to paint too!! Nice!], the difference is in the way individuals were raised, as he explained in a Newsweek magazine interview [another copy of the text]."

Being obedient and keeping quiet…

taken February 2, 2007.

Earlier postings under the label “being obedient and keeping quiet”… Political correctness today is to consume and keeping quiet!? What would the real, genuine rebellion be??

A friend had written a blogposting this morning "Sex, gender and loyalty". And I wrote a posting on my other blog the other day on "Progress or retrogression..." And I have also recently written a posting about "A new (or old) view on man..." And yesterday one about "Provokers..."

The themes in these postings: What is freedom actually? And what about being silenced? Who are being silenced and who are allowed to speak up? Who, what people, do we respect and who do we respect less, even look down on? Why? Some are worth more, others less? (some are met with contempt for their weakness and inability, but threated as they were entirely insensitive). Who are what and why? How come? And who are looked down upon??

What is actual freedom of choice, the honor of being human –what is that?, Paulo Freire and the pedagogy of the oppressed (who are actually oppressed and why?), about culture, the wish for unquestioning, unresisting obedience, working like beavers, keeping quiet and not whining or complaining… Taking yourself in the collar - if you have one?? As always , it is the victim's fault??

And that about oppression…

We can fight about who the oppressed are and if anyone actually is oppressed?? But what about mutual respect, where all are met equally? With the same respect and response?? And demanding the same responsibility of all (but more of the ones with most power!!??). Wouldn't it lie in all involveds interest ? But, yes, it is probably very painful... So we avoid it? And, no, you can't change anyone else! You can't tell "You should! You ought to!" Each person must realize her/himself?? And that can be very painful if the person you like (or think you like)don't want to change?? And what can our needs (of changing another person) be about?

Each one of us have responsibility for ourselves, what we do, say etc.

And if you have no one else to oppress, who do you then oppress? The cat on the rope...

Is oppression something innate? I don’t think so… I don’t think all has needs to oppress anyone else. That there doesn’t have to be a fight about power, who is above and who is below.

And I think these relations are the best?? There you can really enjoy each others?? You can relax and use your energy on other things?? On more constructive and life-giving, life-supporting?

Life is no lack of pain, and will never be?? But you can handle it better or worse?? Depending on how much you have in your backpack – or how little?? If you have little (or have got the opportunity or had the luck to process what you have, or had, there) you handle inevitable difficulties better?? And hopefully don’t contribute to harm, to wars (bigger OR smaller) etc.?

In some newspapers here it has been standing that feminists (who are said to hate men!!?) are better in the bed… But maybe that's too scary for some men?? See for instance here, here, here ... But this too can lead to other forms of oppression!??? A sigh...

What is true compassion, empathy, care? And genuine respect?

How was it now with Procrutes bed?

"Procrustes (the stretcher), also known as Damastes (subduer) and Polypemon (harming much), is a figure from Greek mythology. He was a bandit from Attica, with a stronghold in the hills outside Eleusis.

There, he had an iron bed into which he invited every passerby to lie down. If the guest proved too tall, he would amputate the excess length; but if the victim was found wanting in height, they were then stretched out on the rack until they gained the required inches.

Nobody would ever fit in the bed because it was secretly adjustable: Procrustes would stretch or shrink it upon sizing his victims from afar [!!!! I didn't know this part of the story before].

Procrustes continued his reign of terror until he was captured by Theseus, who 'fitted' Procrustes to his own bed and cut off his head and feet (since Theseus was a stout fellow, the bed had been set on the short position). Killing Procrustes was the last adventure of Theseus on his journey from Troezen to Athens."

People being adjusted... To a norm, that wasn't really communicated by the power? Smart!! People don't knowing exactly what to react on?? I see a father in a family here... Exercising power, and reigning by terror. Changing the rules as suites him.

And we see this in other circumstances: where some are squeezed into a form, made smaller etc.? And being silenced of different reasons... And in different manners?

Of many things, of regard for others who would feel too small if this wasn't done?? Oh, what view on man??? Were do our values lie?? How do we value man? Who are valuable and who less valuable?

Procrustes was an oppressor!!? And there are other smaller (and subtler) oppressors here and there??

Maybe we don't see this ourselves!!?? That (when) we behave as our fathers (or mothers) behaved?? But it IS a difference when it comes to our behavior against other grown ups compared to that of kids??? But, yes, we have always responsibility for our behavior. How harmed we even are. As grow ups we ought to be able to talk about it... But yes, I guess this can be extremely painful... Why we often avoid it... No, this isn't easy!!!! But shouldn't the "understanding" be mutual??

Still feeling out of balance... An older friend said to me that I am thinking so swiftly and make connections between things, in a way all don't, and that this could be disturbing for some (!!!! Of course shall think of this!!??)...

Maybe I am like this as teacher too?? Making all sorts of connections between things?? But I am balancing this by being an organizer too?? Yes, I think this old friend also had noticed this actually? It can be too much of this; it can be harmful for myself if it isn't harming anyone else??? Enormously responsible-taking!!?? Too much still?? This people also have seen? And appreciated, and maybe also taken advantage of and relied on (let me work).

And our "director of studies" once said something about my loyalty to my work-place (oh, I get creepy feelings in my capillary matrix).

Hmmm, yes, I guess I AM artistic??? That I in fact have such talents?? Writing and saying it - scary... Hearing, seeing, sensitive (in a way and probably less in other ways?? Yes, I think one can be both/and!)... But we (still) have prejudices about artist-people that they are bohemians and no organizers??? It probably is in some (or even many) in cases, but it isn't always so!!?? Many aren't, otherwise they wouldn't have reached the level they have??

And maybe that's a problem for me; that I have interests in a lot of directions??? Not focused (in that manner)??

And it is true that I am a clever girl!!?? But I wonder if that isn't harming myself more than others??? Harming myself not so little sometimes??

And on top not valuing myself really!!?? Some can't understand this? They can't put it together?? But others see it? That I am not taking a lot of space, and is wanting and needing to be seen and have all the light on me... In fact, that's something scary... Having the light on me, people looking at me, listening. watching?? While there at the same time is so much I want to communicate!! And express. Touch...

I am seldom neutral when I am speaking about things? But I can still be very shy and quiet?

Being allowed to speak up and use the voice you have... That you should be allowed?? Who and what do we silence? And who are allowed to speak up and allow themselves to speaking up?

The effects/results of silencing people??

And, yes, many men ARE bullies, and they have to stand for it!!!

Came to think of Jane Fonda and her autobiography (also see here), where she writes that she until her sixties adapted to the men she had and about her strivings to please them in all possible ways (including joining group-sex with prostitutes when she was married to Roger Vadim and lived in Paris. Not wanting to be accused of being "bourgeois"!! A bit funny today, when things are so "bourgeois"!!). And she looked really great!! Not to loose them... Denying herself and who she actually was... She writes about her eating-disorders (bulimia)...

If we want to Break any Walls Down where do we start?? Or try to start?

"...with adult freedom and responsibility come the potential to break silence, to use voice and language to promote internal integration, deeper external connection, and a social transformation.

Through communication – integration within ourselves and connection between individuals – we can become whole; embodied, aware, vital, powerful”

(Jennifer Freyd in the chapter 'Removing Blinders, Becoming Connected' in her book 'Betrayal Trauma…').