On voices that are never heard - or creating a conception of the world...

Vibeke Olsson.

Anja on the blog “Do nothing day” writes that people trying to do something about inconveniences in the society are portrayed as bad people in media.

Think about labor union blockades; think demonstrating young people, think house occupants, think animal rights activists. Are you feeling “civil disobedience– brave!” or do you feel “criminality”? And who have in that case fed you with those associations?

She also wonders if all peoples' voices are heard, the poor peoples’ for instance…

And concludes yes, there are so many voices that are never heard.

My addition: some are silenced too. Whose? How come?

And whose voices are head? Who are screaming loudest? And who don't have to scream at all? Because they are listened to and respected anyway? In some cases deservedly of course.

Are we going to need more and more gated communities here and there in the world?

Miller is right: you CAN demonstrate without using violence or without destroying material things either.

On snobbishness or using what talent you possess…

[Slightly edited May 6]. Inspired by an article in the local newspaper.

Culture makes man human the author writes. All despite class, sex, ethnicity, shall already from the beginning get an honest chance to practice and acquaint themselves with creative ways of expression; as writing, painting, drawing, acting, filming, playing an instrument and so on. I would add: and be allowed to continue doing this and develop those skills throughout life if she or he wants and feel a joy and lust in it.

If more and more people in new generations (and in the old ones too) dare raising their voices and express themselves, breaking silence, re-establish and rehabilitate a little of their self-esteem a lot is won.

Not pushing people away or thrusting them aside but letting them in. Rather not discourage people when they try to express themselves, no matter how developed their ways of expression are, whether in written words (even in a foreign language) or in artistic expressions. Even if these expressions aren't "perfect." People should be encouraged instead. More people should raise their voices.

And, once again, it's by training you become more and more skillful in what you are doing, depending what your starting point was.

Yes, no matter what voice a person has she or he should be encouraged to use it. Not discouraged.

You can use your language in all those expressions as a way of excluding other people (for instance in the way you use language and how you resonate about it and how you react to other people's imperfect ways of using it).

From where does this snobbishness come?

"Use what talent you possess - the woods would be very silent if no birds sang except those that sang best"

(Henry van Dyke).

More on language…

this sonata has actually nothing with moonlight to do! It was written after a close friend's death. And you can hear the fury in the last movement (see below). Are these things possible to express in words?? Are there things we can't express in words?

Are we really prepared to listen to a child’s trials to express what it has experienced and feels? Expressed with its “limited” language!

And are we prepared to listen to a grown up and what he/she actually is trying to say?
Or are we only prepared to listen to those with the best language?

AND to the most intelligent (at least the seemingly most intelligent)? Whom we admire a lot?
So long as the other person isn’t really mean or harming, why don’t we, shouldn’t we?

Putting some (or many) things in words isn’t easy. Putting certain things in words IS difficult, and sometimes even impossible! But it isn’t sure all people have difficulties with the same things! Or have any significant difficulties expressing themselves at all (but they are quite few)? Probably depending on their history and experiences up until now?

When we aren’t really heard many of us tend to use more and more words? Either in speech or written words? Or both? When we are speaking for deaf ears we use more and more words?

If we aren’t heard either by other people or/and by ourselves? Maybe we need to use all those words until we get heard by other people and/or ourselves? And need to search ourselves forward with the language we have (for the moment)? We can have deaf ears for ourselves too? Be blind for actual opportunities of different kinds too and for actual, genuine appreciation and liking, sometimes even love that is in reach? If so, isn’t that sad? Maybe even very sad? In the worst cases walking a whole long life without realizing what we could have gotten and achieved?

Maybe we need to express things in spoken and/or written words until we hear or see what we are saying?

And nobody stands up there with a perfect language, as a perfect musician (or anything else), no matter how talented we are or were from the beginning. Even if not so few thinks so, even among grown up people! Even among “intelligent” people! In music we will never get full learned!

Even the most talented need exercise and training! Even a Mozart needed! And he got that exercise very early in life! But what did he suffer? A training a Beethoven never got? The former produced a lot of music very easily and quickly, and the latter struggled very hard. But he too produced fantastic, great music (in many persons’ eyes - and ears)!

Language and talents…

More loud thinking (quite ironical): emotional language is put lower than intellectual. Emotions are put lower than intelligence. The intellectual (and not least intelligent) is put higher than the emotional! Many musicians though have the language too, to a high degree and a lot of other talents. But many of us don’t really have the words; use the music-language instead to express things. And artistic expressions is needed, and have always been through history even back to ancient times, to express things we don’t have words for really? Especially emotional things?

And once again see the phenomenon alexithymia, a phenomenon researchers think is increasing in this world. And one can wonder: why is that? Why do more and more people lack emotional language? Is it only a question of that we become more and more people in the world? Or what is it about? An inherent trait/gene? (I don't think so though! I think this is something we have been taught early in life effectively. But it is possible doing something about. Probably with a lot of struggles and efforts though, which wouldn't have been needed if we had been allowed to express our feelings/emotions from the first beginning).

I came to think that this means that "children’s and women’s language" is put lower? Because in general they use a more emotional language? But there are exceptions of course!!! In both directions.

Is this a question of being taken seriously (i.e., being met with real, genuine respect)… Something that isn’t given to everybody.

You shall have your feelings, emotions under control, or at least have these under control to a certain degree? You shall express yourself in a balanced way, and preferably with the best language possible! Otherwise you can keep quiet or you get corrected or not even listened to or read!

And you know the grammar syntax, vocabulary are important! You don’t get a second chance to explain yourself better, by being asked what you really mean!!

Isn’t there a contempt involved here? A contempt for children (or the child)? A contempt for weakness in fact?

“Don’t be so childish!!”

People get embarrassed on behalf of you!? This we (I) have to avoid!!!

And these things aren’t only expressed in spoken words, but by other means: silence (the wall of silence), you aren’t taken any notice of, disregarded etc.

You can withdraw in a lot of manners, not only emotionally but also physically. But a grown up has choices here, choices a child didn’t have! A grown up can deal with this, if she/he isn’t so (too) paralysed by her/his passed.

We have had to repress HOW painful these things were, many of us can’t even slightly recall HOW painful? We are made insensitive to different degrees to these things. Which is no excuse but only an explanation.

Once again I noticed the phenomenon “talking above ones head” I think… But it didn’t bother me so much as it did. I hope! I just noticed it with a slight smile, a bit ironical smile… Talking in riddles here? Never mind. I allow myself that.

I have been taught that men are better (in general), because they have their emotions in check and don’t get carried away with their emotions (as they are born like this)! Thus they are more reliable. At the same time I am learned/taught to being sensitive, caring, thinking on.

Or they (not least mom I guess) have at least tried to teach me!!! I don’t think she consider her trials there especially successful!! I will never become that sensitive or caring or thinking on never ever! Not in her eyes at least. I will remain that selfish, egoistic, only thinking on myself. In contrast to maybe ALL my siblings?? To be honest.

This with sensitivity is one of probably many contradictions! On one occasion being insensitive is acknowledged and praised, in another NOT. Depending on who is insensitive/sensitive?? Depending on the glasses you see through? (how they are colored).

And that about getting carried away with uncontrolled emotions: on other occasions this isn’t/wasn’t even noticed!! Namely when the father (and later brothers) came home from work and poured all his (their) frustrations out on the family, and not least the kids (relatives; siblings, and not least sisters). But it was worse for the wife; because she was more sensitive than the kids, who were less sensitive?? And the kids was spared compared to the wife!!! (observe the irony!!!)

To be continued… I am going to take a shower now. Have a lot more on my mind (wrote a lot down in my note-book this morning before I sat down at the computer).

Practician…

The letter
(which one of our students is going to sing in the church at the concert tomorrow evening).

According to a test on what blog type you are the result for me was that I am a practician! I was moderately flattered by his.

I have been out for a bike-ride before lunch, sneezing and coughing, recovering from a cold.
Yesterday I watched a TV-programme (I had a TV-evening yesterday!) about a new book on Ingmar Bergman. The author, Michael Timm (in my age I guess), said about Bergman, with whom he had developed a fairly close friendship, that he was lively, changeable, energetic, quick, very curious, after an interview on half an hour Bergman got tired and started to ask the interviewer a lot of questions instead of the opposite.

I also came to think of how extremely organized Bergman was. He was always extremely well prepared in his work. He had a fixed schedule every day for his writing at Fårö; for his walks, when he visited his cinema and watched films each evening and so on. He needed to keep his demons (or “dämoner” as he called them in Swedish) in check.

And he avoided psycho therapy (but what sort would he have gotten then?) because I guess he believed that his neurosis was the prerequisite for his creativity, that he would loose it if he came to terms with them. As I think many creative people thought then (and maybe still think too often). But what was he actually afraid of? The truth lay just under the surface and he was aware of it, on an unconscious or subconscious level, and was in touch with the panic connected with it?

During the tax-affair (round 1975) he got a psychic breakdown and landed on a psychiatric clinic and was heavily medicated, so he walked there like a zombie. But he decided to quit all medication, and did that abruptly too, and met all the anxieties. He has described this in one of his books. And left Sweden with his wife Ingrid (by the way the author of the new book on Bergman thinks Bergman had had women who could measure up to him actually, and contribute to his work. Know that he and the pianist-wife Käbi Laretei inspired each other a lot, but they had a mutual respectful fear or each other? And Bergman later said that they played roles to each other, didn’t dare to meet as real, genuine human beings, meetings between two genuine , true selves, or how one shall express it).

Yes, maybe one has to be organized with artistic works struck me. Boundaries are more important there than in many other works and occupations? We need limits, in our work. And all artists aren’t bohemians, as maybe many thinks? Because for the first you need a lot of discipline to come where you have come! To develop the skill you have developed. And for this you can’t be too bohemian? If you aren’t lucky having someone a housekeeper and mommy?

k. – the spontaneous! Not always weighing the words, hmmm… Spontaneously expressing things, thoughts etc. Behind a certain amount of shyness. Not having a censurer - and having one. Blushing red sometimes (or rather often): but what did I say? And how? How childish! How stupid! How stupid, childish ideas!

Also struck me the other day about an older friend who has known me for long, who said she thought that people maybe could react on my quick thinking… That they didn’t really keep up with it. I don’t know if this was so good telling me however.

Yes, only a word or expression can trigger a lot of thoughts and feelings. And when I write I can start in one end and end in an entirely different, with a million sidetracks?

And after having worked with young people for so many years my language has also got coloured by that sort of language? When I studied pedagogy once (beside full time work) I expressed myself differently, adapted a bit to that language? The same when I was student at a tutor-education at the Royal College of music in Stockholm (5 years ago, 7, 5 international academic points).

No, now I need to practice for 2, 5 - 3 hours. And it would be nice getting time on the balcony with a cup of tea with honey (need that for my cold). Have thought of taking the bike to town and the pharmacy to buy something for my nose, Renaissance I had thought of.