Eating problems...

Struck me about disturbed contact with signals about hunger, in both directions so to say... A person in the nearest family said she could go a whole day without thinking she ought to eat something.

My thoughts: Either you discover late in the day that you haven't eaten, or you don't feel the signals telling you that you have eaten enough and you overeat.

Meaning that you can be insensitive to signals in both directions so to say! You adopt either one of these “attitudes.”

I think this has to do with things that probably dates back to very early in childhood connected to eating. Traumas around eating the maybe VERY small baby was exposed to and maybe also connected to experiences adding up to these earliest experiences later in childhood and further when you grew up.

But people don't have to be doomed because of these things, so long as the surrounding later doesn't deny the roots to those problems (and moralize over it) and the person in question gets help processing and not deny the problem and its possible roots...

Anna-Luise Kirkengen has written about what sexual abuse can lead to in this respect, if I remember right (I haven't her books here now).

And I think forcing a spoon (or other "things") into a baby's mouth can cause troubles later for that child (things we don't/can't connect to early experiences like these, because we can't imagine such things could occur, and definitely not occur from people who ought to love the small baby most of all).Maybe such things occur more often than we believe???

So moralizing over peoples' troubles with eating and how they look is - what? Contempt for weakness! Unemphatic. Conditional love if it comes from a parent towards a child (honestly lack of love actually!!!!). Maybe even added abuse??

See about the ACE-study and its origin.

Anorexia and psychological treatment...

I get so furious (not on the young woman, but at the grown up world, our stupidity); one of my students haven't come to her last two lessons. After the first lesson I sent a text message to her... After the second I contacted the headmaster and according to one of her other teachers, whom I met yesterday, this young woman tried to commit suicide (halfheartedly) a couple of weeks before Christmas, with pills.

She is under treatment for her anorexia. What was this young woman's message? Is she aware of it herself? What was her cry for help about? Does she know herself? Is she allowed to acknowledge? I have my wonders...

See Miller's book "The Body Never Lies" and the third chapter "Anorexia: The Longing For Genuine Communication", where you can read "The Fictional Diary of Anita Fink."

Can I bring my doubts up about the treatment she is receiving for her anorexia with this student I wonder?? And I have to wonder too how MY communication with this young woman is! If it's lacking "genuineness"?

See Miller's site under the label "anorexia"!

The life ought to be so beautiful and wonderful for us all as the picture above...

Authoritarianism…

ballet dancers.

Some morning thoughts…

On a meeting at work this week it struck me:

“Not explaining 'why' is authoritarian”

With the addition today:

"...even when it is about grown up people on a workplace."

We shall just do. We don’t need to understand "why" we shall or have to?

Something that is quite symptomatically at my workplace (and maybe many other workplaces): on one of our last workplace meetings we were asked to fill in a form about side work, if we have any. And some side work has to be approved of by our boss. We have done this a couple of times the last years, but nobody have made clear why. Least of all our boss(es) (ordered from above in turn, but not questioning why? Only "obeying orders"?). And all are filling this form in without asking why!? Like obedient children! Maybe they don't bother?

Because you don’t question the one in power? You just do as he/she says!? I have done too but reacted, more strongly in the beginning… And maybe my bosses don't even think in those patterns at all! They don't understand this at all? And why don't they? Something in their authoritarian background?

My next thought writing this is: is this respectful from our boss’s side? Is this to treat us with respect and as people thinking and feeling and wanting to do our best, cooperate etc.?

And we in turn, how are we supposed to treat our students? In the same manner?

“You have to just do, and you don’t need to understand why!”

Plainly!

In the local newspaper there is a series of articles about the school now. Today it was an article about how politicians from different parties see on cuts of money to the school (!!!). A recurrent theme during all my years in school for the first… I get so tired. There is no talk about what we actually do (or should do) in school. No real passion or interest or anything it feels…

Now it is opportune being quite authoritarian again! You have and shall set limits. And many teachers are so tired so they can’t even think or really question this!?

And our school minister’s policy is “keep quiet and be obedient”!! He is liberal! But aren’t liberals for freedom? For respect for the individual? Or?

There was also a leader in the newspaper this morning with the title “The offender is a woman” in which you can read about a new book pointing out or putting the focus on that women can commit as horrible crimes as men. A traditional view on women as victims, mothers and incapable of using violence. Something that isn’t rue. The leader writer (a woman) writes that the authors (two women) show that it isn’t only the men’s violence that is a problem – but also women’s violence against men, children and other women. Each one of us is obliged to realize this. We have to face the truth: the woman isn’t only a victim, but also an offender.

Reading this I came to think about the first case Jonathan Pincus writes about in his book and had to look for this book again in the piles of books here in my home. Yes, he writes about a thirteen year old girl Cynthia who stabbed a one year older girl Mona to death on a school-bus already around 1990 I think (I skimmed the text now in the morning).

Pincus writes (at page 23):

“No attention was given to the question, ‘What made thirteen-year-old Cynthia kill?’

Yes, we CAN admit that her background probably plays a role here today? But, there is a but… Can and do we want to take the truth in really, even on an emotional level, not just with our heads? And is there anyone capable of dealing with this truth and maybe prevent such things in the future?

I have actually thought about this: more and more girls are adopting the same behaviors as boys!??? And women the men’s worse sides (women in power positions for instance)!! And vice versa: men are adopting the worse sides women have (how they look for instance, so more young boys have anorexia for instance. But also see what Miller writes about anorexia in “The Body Never Lies”. I wonder a lot about the treatment those young people get, have students under such treatment here... My dance colleagues need to deal with anorexia, a problem they have become aware of the last 10-15 years? No wonder, dancing in front of mirrors!?).

PS. Just for fun: The flutist I have played with a lot you can listen to here! :-) Actually we have practiced this morning...