A doll or a living human being...

[Updated in the afternoon with a title; I was unhappy so I forgot to give this posting a title this morning. Still very unhappy].

One can’t stand certain faults, flaws or imperfections? A not perfect person is nothing to have? Unless you aren't perfect you can't become loved? A living, reacting, feeling human being is nothing to have? A doll would be better? Creating and reenacting this later?

I was not 1, 5 years here yet?

A student's MySpace-site.

Outlook on mankind…

from the site about The Woodwose

[Slightly updated May 24 in the end]. Went out onto the balcony with a letter from a friend to read it, enjoying the evening-sun. She had written things that together with other things I have read recently in a local newspaper triggered thoughts and feelings. I just HAD to go in to write, even before I had finished reading the letter!

She wrote about (inner) demands on being “useful,” or rather “of use/service to” (nyttig), and “successful,” which she doesn’t think she is at all. And all this has grown to a high mountain, making her even more paralyzed (my maybe a little free interpretation, angry on her behalf), even though this person has a lot of resources really of many different kinds. In a very long paragraph she also succeeds mentioning demands on “effectiveness” and “cleverness” too. Oh, I can vomit on it! I can recognize myself in this, a little silently? But it takes other expressions in me?

For the first it can certainly be too much of that!! And for the second this is high fashion now everywhere in society (and in the world)? I googled on “högsta mode” or “highest fashion” and got a lot of hits. One was that it is highest fashion to manipulate - in the advertising branch. In an article with the heading “Now it’s highest fashion manipulating” you can read (in a one year old article, in Swedish) that the campaigns of the future will have their ground in new biological and psychological discoveries!! Be about how to reach the subconscious. People are talking more and more about how we can manipulate others with knowledge about the body and brain. Used already??

But that was actually a sidetrack.

What I thought out there on my balcony was that today’s (right, conservative and bourgeois) politicians believe that one change people with punishments!

We use to talk about using “whip or carrot” (piska eller morot). These politicians' method is using the whip, not carrots (what are they playing out? In fact I wonder!). And this spring from their view on man strikes me, as if this was a new thought! A tired smile. There is a lot of talk about misusing the systems. I wondered their on my balcony quite ironically, sarcastically

“Do people? How many? And if people do – why??”

And I wonder too - who do?

And could and should one do something about that instead? Or is this impossible? Very naïve of me? And if we spoke about these things openly…

No, I definitely don’t like what politicians are doing now – at all. And I DON’T like the politicians who have the power now, at all.

Words that come for me: moralizing, contempt for weakness…

It stands in the Swedish part of wikipedia about “människosyn” or “view on man”:

”Människosyn kan sägas stå för de föreställningar om människan, såväl teoretiska idéer som praktiska antaganden, av allmän natur som vi antas omfatta. Dessa består då i föreställningar eller teorier om hurdana människor faktiskt i allmänhet är.”

Translated it would be something in the style:

“One can say that 'view on man' stand for the notions and ideas on man, both in form of theoretical and practical assumptions; of general nature we are assumed to embrace. These then consist of notions or theories how human beings in fact are in general.”

But when I studied pedagogy, we learned that "view on man" is different for different people and also changes from time to time (as can "view on society" or "samhällssyn"), all don't embrace the same views on man thus. But from where does the view on man originate in specific individuals? I have my ideas...

Also see this article “More whip than carrot” or "Mer piska än morot" (in Swedish though). And here a posting on “Natives and savages – on arrogance, ignorance, overweening confidence, intolerance and all people’s equal worth (or value?).”

I have practiced with four pupils/students this afternoon for a little more than two hours, for a concert in a little more than a week, a concert that is going to become filmed for a DVD we have been filming (with "professional cameramen") since New Year. Phew! I accompanied them on piano. Tomorrow and on Friday I am sitting in a jury listening to candidates to a course where the students get extended education, a course with our cleverest (!!!) pupils thus.

Maybe I should practice half an hour more myself and then take a bath before bedtime?

Addition May 24: Naomi Klein said that "Information is shock resistance" and that's true not only what concern the sort of politics she writes about. One can try to inform oneself... TRY to raise ones awareness and ones clear seeing. And hopefully protect oneself in that way, and avoid contributing to damage done?

Burnout...

Babben hugging a colleague, when she returned to a workplace.

[Updated after lunch with two music-videos]. Yesterday I continued with reading earlier examples of the magazine MåBra (which I haven't had time reading earlier) and found things I wanted to write about (see earlier posting on MåBra or Feelgood on "Perfectionism..."). For instance this. A little freely?

“It is difficult pulling the brake in the midst of running (in the speed)!”

a female Swedish actress and stand up comedian Babben (Barbro) Larsson says.

“I have had to work hard on my self-knowledge to heal what has got burnt. The wish to get appreciated by others is such a strong trait in my personality so I have to balance it with taking care of myself. The wish to be seen and understood has to correspond with that I understand myself and see myself. And maybe the best learning is that I am not driven by money and a career. I am driven by lust.

If I don’t feel for it my energy and joy of living quickly declines, fades. This has for instance sometimes led to that one of my most successful years (economically) was replaced by one when I earned so little money so it went minus financially.”

She mentions the notion KASAM (coined by Aron Antonovsky)- the feeling of connection or coherence (a sense of coherence - SOC in English it looks), when she met this notion she understood why she reacted as she did. That she easily landed in a sort of outsider-ship, not affinity or kinship (samhörighet), and didn’t see the meaning with what she did. She got a breakdown. She felt alienated?

About Babben here and here. Earlier postings with the label burnout. Ingeborg Bosch on burnout. And earlier reflections on stress and creativity. Of course your ability to think and solve problems get worse during (longterm) stress!!! If you live under constant inner and outer stress. Of course it is problematic for those having high demands on them, not thinking they are good enough, if the society adds this stress... (quite ironically, yes, even angrily).

Yes, take you in the collar (as we say here) and stand up like Lazarus and walk away!!! (easy to say for some?) Or who was it that took his bed and went?? Never mind.

An SOS to the world.

Just a castaway
An island lost at sea
Another lonely day
With no one here but me
More loneliness
Than any man could bear
Rescue me before I fall into despair
I'll send an SOS to the world
I'll send an SOS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle

A year has passed since I wrote my note
But I should have known this right from the start
Only hope can keep me together
Love can mend your life
But love can break your heart
I'll send an SOS to the world
I'll send an SOS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle

Walked out this morning
Don't believe what I saw
A hundred billion bottles
Washed up on the shore
Seems I'm not alone at being alone
A hundred billion castaways
Looking for a home
I'll send an SOS to the world
I'll send an SOS to the world
I hope that someone gets my
Message in a bottle
Sending out an SOS

See earlier postings under the label exhaustion.

Balancing…

Some evening thoughts….

Balancing high demands and a sort of perfectionism with spontaneity and not doing everything absolutely perfectly?

Doesn’t exclude I can get blushing red…

During my whole working life I have tried to adapt to the environment in a way… No, in many or maybe all ways? Or rather tried to satisfy all and everyone?

This hasn’t been a good solution…

Research about exhaustion and burn out has shown that the more empathic are more prone to exhaustion…

Perfektionism...

a cold February-Day 2007.

[Updated January 29]. Såg ordet perfektionism i det förra blogginlägget, tråden som mynnade ut i ämnet gråt och sökte på detta nu av nyfikenhet och hittade detta och detta, samt två uppsatser på ämnet perfektionism här.

---

Saw the word perfectionism in the former posting and searched articles on it today and found the ones linked above (in Swedish).

Addition January 29:

"Unless you aren't perfect you won't get my love!?? And not until you are perfect I will notice you (but I don't promise anything)!"

"Until then you don't exist to me!"

"If I...? Then maybe?? If I try with this...? If I do this, then...? If I am well-educated,then...? If... then...?"

Women and children are less worth?? To some... Why?

"I am very fond of children!"

the man said to his coming wife. It's one thing what you say and another how you actually behave and what you actually do, she realized!?? Yes, there are many fine words, but living as one learns... That's difficult. I probably don't see things either...

One of the effects of high demands (and demands on perfectionism?) is the use of medicine for for instance Alzheimer patients in not sick people to improve their intellectual capacity, a form of doping in fact. Which was discussed this morning in the morning-sofa... Phew! What's the risks they wondered... And what does this mean for even more raised demands on people to achieve?? And an increased stress... The message you aren't good enough, a feeling you have with you (sometimes denied?) from early?

A parallel to doping in sports!?? Risking your health and maybe even future life?? Behaving self-destructively in fact! One of many ways in behaving self-destructively... (some are more socially accepted? And not viewed in the same way as for instance anorexia, where anorexia, alcoholism etc. are seen as diseases...).

A Swedish brain-researcher thought the effects are marginal compared to side-effects. And it would be better to take care of our brains in other manners, by for instance sleeping one hour more each night (if we can)... There were a lot of texts (articles) on his home-site, which I haven't read, but I skimmed the headings. One was about ADHD and damp (actually a book he has written a conrtibution to), another about biologism, another about why we have become as we are "Ett oskrivet blad - därför blir vi så" *... His published papers here.

The nature has fixed the balance between forgetting and remembering during human beings development for hundred thousand of years he said... My thoughts: Now we are challenging this. Aren't we abusing and violating this actually? If one should come back to and use the terms abuse and violation! And why are we doing his? What's this about?

And it was this with biomedical scientists and empathy deficits too... They are just developing their intellects (even more? Or?)... And what are they actually trying to prove? That troubles, diseases etc. of different kind aren't parents' fault?? They really need to prove this, both to themselves, but the whole world - and their parents? They desperately need this?? (probably of understandable reasons, but what do they actually bring about for the rest of the humanity). Honoring their fathers and mothers by their achievements?? Too many are like that? Martin Ingvar's father was brain-researcher he too!

And intellect is more valued than emotions... The "intellectual" more valued than the "emotional"... But many also react with insecurity if one start to talk about emotions? At least in some circumstances? And some (many) are afraid of "strong" women??

That about having both IQ and EQ and strong broad-bands between them... But is emotional intellegense the same as true empathy? With this not said at all that I should be some sort of virtuoso on this at all...

See Bosch and Freyd on Daniel Goleman here.

And their training and the whole milieu they come to work in many times strengthens this too?? They are being brainwashed, even more!?

Other themes that struck me (things in general, not only connected to this posting): the need for power and control, the need for superiority, the need to exercise these things... The need to sit on others... Does this create closeness or nearness though??
* Där står bland annat:

"Varför är vi som vi är och varför utvecklas våra barn som de gör? Den snabba kunskapsutvecklingen inom genetik och hjärnforskning gör det åter aktuellt att föra diskussionen om arvets och miljöns betydelse för människans och samhällets utveckling. Diskussionen är nödvändig, det märks inte minst på hur ämnet diskuteras i media och i politiken. Vågorna i debatten har gått höga under lång tid. Är det bara mammas och pappas fel att det blir som det blir? Är det samhällets fel?

Egentligen är det förvånande att det fortfarande är kontroversiellt att säga att våra beteenden också har en genetisk och biologisk bas. De flesta accepterar att en ko beter sig som en ko eftersom den har en kos gener och inte enbart för att den härmar andra kor. Om det inte var generna som styrde skulle kon likaväl kunnat härma en häst. Trots det framkallar påståenden om att människans personlighetsutveckling och beteende har ett genetiskt underlag fortfarande motresonemang som tidvis blir våldsamma."

Jo, fast jag tror också att en kos beteende påverkas av hur den blivit behandlad, liksom andra djurs beteenden påverkas av hur de blivit behandlade... Jag har ju faktiskt vuxit upp bland en massa djur och vi har haft djur. I och för sig kanske detta inte innebär att jag sett en massa saker eller förstått eller kanske ens förmått ta in... Fast jag tror faktiskt barn kan se en hel del, innan de kanske blir ännu mer avtrubbade, eller kanske helt avtrubbade!??

Se också Harry Harlows apor och det med deprivation!? Uppsatser om deprivation här. Harry Harlow.

And see these two videos: "Harry Harlow & Rhesus Monkeys – development" and "Abuse". About the last video it stood:

"Examines violence both in tribal and modern societies and explores Dr. Prescott's S-SAD theory, both the cross-cultural and the neuropsychological aspects. Video documents that palecerebellar decortication eliminated pathological violent behaviors including self-mutilation and permits positive prosocial, affectional and alert behaviors in the adult mother-deprived monkey that was not possible before surgery, thus confirming Dr. Prescott's SSAD theory that the cerebellum has a major role in the regulation of emotional-social behaviors, particularly depressive and violent behaviors. -1976"

Interesting: there are connections between aggression/violence and depression!!??

See "The Origins for Peace and Violence –Deprivation of Physical Affection as a Main Cause of Depression, Aggression and Drug Abuse."

Childhood abuse (not or less processed) results in either directing things out and/or in!? You direct things, act things out either at others and/or yourself?