Georgio Grossi.[Updated during the day]. In the Swedish magazine ”MåBra” (”FeelWell” there was an article with the title ”The more roles you play – the higher the demands.”
There it stood that wanting to be clever isn’t wrong. But always being the cleverest can break the best.
Stop comparing yourself with others so you get spared from unnecessary demands! It stood in the article.
You shall be an engaged parent, creative colleague and lover, in good physical shape and with the makeup on the right place. We shall develop and become better, smarter and quicker on everything we do. Suddenly the whole existence has become a race and the cleverest wins! But the question is if the most clever is the most happy? Or if the cleverest is the most exhausted?
“If you try to fill all those roles you never get a relaxed moment”
the psychologist and stress researcher at the Karolinska Institute in Stockholm Giorgio Grossi says, working at a stress clinic sorting under the University?
With all the tasks we have taken on ourselves; as "women in the career," lover, friend etc. a carousel of demands follows of a sort we have never seen before.
At last we have to have everything in check, from fond wall papers and share market to the man’s erogenous zones it stood in the article.
“Wanting to be clever isn’t wrong, but it can become a problem when one feels forced to be perfect in all areas of life!”
Grossi says.
He means that we are competing in being clever of two reasons. One is the fear “being wrong” and getting critics for that. The other is the kick one gets of achieving!! It’s enough hearing “Oh God, how have you succeeded with all this??”
for us to continue our chase of confirmation kicks. The praise is worth the stress, in short term.
But in long term the trap of high demands are a risk of stifling us because we never get the opportunity for relaxation - and recovery.
Fifty ears ago we had much less to compare ourselves with. You compared yourself with your neighbour. But today we compare ourselves with many more people. There is always anyone smarter, kinder, and faster. And on we chase to become better and we don’t stop until we get a mental break down.
What are we striving and chasing for?
To be good enough?
Getting love? For this you have to be perfect?? And nothing less? The most perfect of the perfect?
And we are told: “But stop that!!”
Easy like that.“It’s nothing wrong with being clever!”
And the next moment“You don’t have to be so clever!!!”
How do we actually come to terms with these things? Many of these hard working women (and men) aren't "stupid" people (and what is "stupid" and "not stupid" The most intelligent can be the most stupid - emotionally? Entirely insensitive?)?? Just by telling us what to do and what to stop with? Quite ironically: I don’t think so! I think many of us should need to understand this on a deeper level, and get loved despite we are like this.
Not be rejected because we don’t have those things better in check – and are so weak??
But by whom are we rejected? Are they worth our time and energy - at all? Do they help us with their attitude? And what is THEIR attitude actually about? Is it actually about contempt for weakness, looking down on people struggling and striving enormously?
And one of Ås' Master Suppression techniques wasn’t it “Damned If You Do And Damned If You Don’t”, double bind or double punishment?
It stands about it that:
PS. And (young) men are adopting the bad female sides concerning occupation with the outer approach I can think (That one reacts at this does it have to mean one is moralising though? Are we allowed to react and wonder and question?).“It is strange that the double bind is such an effective master suppression technique. It is manifestly illogical and unjust! But centuries of making women and female culture invisible and ridiculing either or both, do make even the strictest logician go soft. Meantime, women exposed to this master suppression technique, become stressed out when they try without much success to avoid attracting criticism from either side.
The double bind is extremely unpleasant for the constant guilty conscience and feelings of inadequacy it often brings. To avoid such unpleasantness, a woman can abstain from getting politically involved or from having children. She can accept an inferior position at work, and she can try her utmost to adapt to and balance the conflicting demands made on her.
It is important to learn to recognize this fourth master-suppression technique. Women, like men, are needed everywhere: at work, in politics, and with their children. And women must have the right and opportunity to combine different types of involvement without physical and mental burnout.”
Of some reason I googled on Britt Ekland and read she has problems with osteoporosis!! She has been overly careful with her weight?
More young women are not feeling well today. The pressure is bigger than ever? Earlier there were no burn-outs or psychological break downs (more hidden earlier?). Are young people weaker today? Spoiled because they have been too protected and not hardened enough. As a Swedish psychiatrist (!!!!) David Eberhard thinks. He wrote a book three years ago called "I trygghetnarkomanernas land" or "In the land of the safety addicted"!! He means that we in Sweden have exaggerated needs on safety, that we have been too protected by the state!!! See an upset blogposting about this here titled "The cynic psychiatry boss".
Are demands and permissions similar for all people on a work-place, in society? Or in the family? We had a studying day (a day where the teachers are educated or just talk a lot!!) yesterday at work, and when I sat there I started to wonder over these things. A bit startled, or how I shall express it.
I thought there for myself: think if one should measure the time men and women are talking and compare this with the subjective experience of how much they talk, what would this show?
You aren't allowed to be long-winded, neither in speech nor in written text!!
When and were and how are you allowed to speak up? And who are actually listened to?
What about giving voice?
Addition after a shower: It's the one suffering who is at fault?? Genes? And/or he/she shouldn't be so sensitive!! But in another occasion she/he can be accused for being totally insensitive!!! You shall be but not be!! In the latest news here today it stands about War veterans (from Afghanistan and Iraq) in US suffering from PTSD commit suicide to a high (an even higher) degree (than before)! Googled on this and found this in English.
But some people claim that soldiers from the WWI didn't suffer from PSTD! So there must be some weakness in soldiers later!!!! Or? How was it actually with the older soldiers? Is it Judith Lewis Herman who writes about this in her book "Trauma and Recovery?"
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