Being forced to adjust...

from Poland trip one week ago.

Some reflections yesterday (when I was about to walk down the stairs at home with a lot of things for a visit to work and for going north after I quited work I fell and hit my forehead and the blood gushed, had to be sewed at the hospital):

After 31 years in this work with the conditions we have had all these years I am a bit tired! We have to compete with other people about the rooms out on the schools. And we have between 50- 67 students on a full time employment; on top we carry the material with us (heavy note books in my case, instruments and recorders for other colleagues)…

My strained patience? Even more stretched!!?? And I am taught not being a nuisance to the parents, a lesson too well learned? Creating troubles with later: either understanding too much or too little?? How many aren’t taught from very early in life (both being encouraged and having role-models resonating like this):

“Oh, it doesn’t matter!”

Maybe having a mom resonating in this way:

“It doesn’t matter; one can…!”

It feels this is on the same theme as I started reflecting upon during our trip to Poland; about adjusting to all and everyone, and what it can lead to. Either that you later on adjust too much, and give up yourself, make yourself invisible, or that you can’t compromise at all?? If the small child hadn't been forced learning those lessons I think it would have been capable handling these things much better later in life. I think Bosch is right about being forced to share early in life, i.e. not being selfish. This is what makes you selfish, and not unselfish. OR too unselfish, unselfish in a way that can harm you sooner or less. Many tend to think that they are glad they learned not being selfish, thinking of others. Is that the phenomenon that it was done "for my own good"?

If you have adjusted too much, and/or said: It doesn’t matter. Then you maybe get an explosion in the end??

We have spoken almost all my work-life about the problems with our rooms out on the schools, but our bosses have all minimized and belittled the problem… So this probably also triggers my relation to my parents (bosses) and tendencies to belittle and minimize things in my life from very early!!??

Love and communication…

from a very nice walk in a stream bed...

In one of our evening papers they wrote about love, sex, and partnership a couple of days ago…

I quote from it: A cut off communication can be difficult taking up again. But it is possible, even if it demands both patience and understanding.

Things that happened here made me reflect on the topic “understanding” and forgiveness on a walk late this afternoon… I was quite upset walking in the woods. Thought on where I want to give it, of free will because a person is so important, and where I don’t really want to give it, because I am not really free to choose and have never been free choosing, but forced to understand and forgive and think on!!! Do I at last have this right? In the age I am!! Horrible it is like this! That I am still not really, really sure? Or am I, a bit more?

Lack of lust can have many bottoms, often a combination of both outer and inner factors which influences us.

Long term stress, anxiety and lack of sleep can create an undefined depression. A low self-esteem and inner demands can be reasons.

The basic, fundamental rules for communication are honesty, respect and sensitiveness for hearing. From both parts I want to add (seen to my parents’ marriage, where there wasn’t balance in that respect!!).

When you want to bring something up/about with your partner, try to start from your self, your thoughts, emotions and needs.

Describe what you appreciate and what you feel good by.

• Remember/don’t forget: to talk, laughter - and sex.
• Show consideration and solicitude. Do something that is good for your partner. A showed consideration makes a big difference and it doesn’t always have to be something magnificent to have effect. Rather small expressions of love each day than one big half a year.
• Give each other time: both you and your partner need space and time for recovery and for resting. That’s beneficial for the lust. In everyday life you can take responsibility for different days when it comes to household things. Let one evening be your own, where you yourself decide what you want to do. If you want to sleep, do exercise, meet friends or just be.
• Touch is life important. Upgrade everyday petting/necking! A kiss, a caress and a warm hand are things which gives us power and energy. It awakens desire and lust and all our senses. Everything doesn’t have to lead to sex necessarily, but being reminded about the partnership and that longing exists is beneficial.

• Be glad over the differences. You and your partner are different. Remaking (?) each other (trying to make the other person to somebody else) is nothing to aim at. Allow the differences and see them as an inspiring source to development. However, some conflicts are important clearing out. Then do this with great respect for yourself and the one you love. You ought to have the sight directed at finding a new balance in feeling well together.