Being forced to adjust...

from Poland trip one week ago.

Some reflections yesterday (when I was about to walk down the stairs at home with a lot of things for a visit to work and for going north after I quited work I fell and hit my forehead and the blood gushed, had to be sewed at the hospital):

After 31 years in this work with the conditions we have had all these years I am a bit tired! We have to compete with other people about the rooms out on the schools. And we have between 50- 67 students on a full time employment; on top we carry the material with us (heavy note books in my case, instruments and recorders for other colleagues)…

My strained patience? Even more stretched!!?? And I am taught not being a nuisance to the parents, a lesson too well learned? Creating troubles with later: either understanding too much or too little?? How many aren’t taught from very early in life (both being encouraged and having role-models resonating like this):

“Oh, it doesn’t matter!”

Maybe having a mom resonating in this way:

“It doesn’t matter; one can…!”

It feels this is on the same theme as I started reflecting upon during our trip to Poland; about adjusting to all and everyone, and what it can lead to. Either that you later on adjust too much, and give up yourself, make yourself invisible, or that you can’t compromise at all?? If the small child hadn't been forced learning those lessons I think it would have been capable handling these things much better later in life. I think Bosch is right about being forced to share early in life, i.e. not being selfish. This is what makes you selfish, and not unselfish. OR too unselfish, unselfish in a way that can harm you sooner or less. Many tend to think that they are glad they learned not being selfish, thinking of others. Is that the phenomenon that it was done "for my own good"?

If you have adjusted too much, and/or said: It doesn’t matter. Then you maybe get an explosion in the end??

We have spoken almost all my work-life about the problems with our rooms out on the schools, but our bosses have all minimized and belittled the problem… So this probably also triggers my relation to my parents (bosses) and tendencies to belittle and minimize things in my life from very early!!??