Backlash in the society...

Commentators to the article I blogged about in the former posting "Boycott Dr Phil…" defended Dr Phil, and also a Swedish author Mia Törnblom who has written self help books in Swedish which are very popular here at present, she was also mentioned in the article I blogged about. This made me think.

One wrote that many older persons in Sweden think it is the height of the day when Dr Phil is on TV (my comment: no wonder they like these programmes? With a tired and ironic smile. Addition May 23: recognizing things they have experienced themselves and feeling comfortable with that these ideas are preached again probably. What is this form of denial called? Rationalization? Or excusing/justifying: where the person admits to the past but find rationales for what happened).

Are people (we) defending things which don’t challenge their (our) defences? They (we?) are challenged by things threatening their (our) defences? Why “older people” like Dr Phil and his programmes and his authoritarian (?) approach? Confirming the “right” thing in experiences they have endured: parent-figures (authorities) with an educating, authoritarian-who-doesn’t-allow-discussions-approach? And in fact, one of the commentators also wrote about Philip McGraw’s education, and that he uses his title, rightfully (my interpretation). She also thinks that people with a lower education are the one lying in a sofa zapping between channels on TV. Another wonders if the grudge from the author of the article comes from envy.

Here about Marie-Louise Wallin (in Swedish), she is educated teacher, so she isn’t entirely uneducated… See here too about her (also in Swedish). And she must have been working for quite a long time, as she was born 1933? Both as teacher and later as author. And even 75-year old women (with education), or did I count wrong, are apparently lying in their sofas at home zapping between TV-channels too (not only young people with low or no education)?

The whole title to her article is “Boycott Dr Phil – Marie-Louise Wallin has had enough of the self-help religion.”

In fact a leader-writer in a local newspaper here also writes about things paralleling this in a leader with the title ”Two years in each class.” He writes about the conservative thought giving the teacher in her/himself more authority, and about pupils/students and teachers as merchandise (??) on a tax-financed market at the same time as the school-world is becoming more and more segregated and jobs as teacher in some school de facto (or in practice) gets a lower status (I don't like this at all I want to add, and I don't watch Dr Phil of free will either. Maybe that has with my history to do of course. And I don't like the Nanny-programmes either. They also "fit" the trend? And I literally detest them. When I have seen them I have been forced, because I haven't been at home and had the possibility really to choose seeing them or not, being in other peoples' home).

I think the idea the leader-writer Göran Greider would support most is to value the whole idea with pedagogy more and see so headmasters can concentrate on those things (what's done in school and how) instead of those they concentrate on today (money and budgets), something he also writes about.

Our current school-minister refuses to compromise… He is quite authoritarian…

Yes, there is a neo-conservatism in the society, and a neo-authoritarianism. And when people are seen as merchandise everywhere no wonders we have problems? But what is the chicken and what is the egg? Which came first? Why are such ideas so spread today? How is it possible ideas like these, such views on human beings, get such a penetration (?) in the society?

The backlash is also shown in how little one talk about the ideas Miller stands for? And that Miller is hardly spoken about? At least not here or in the circles where I am in…

And that about pedagogy… But can there be a “pedagogy” with true, genuine respect for young people (and grown ups between too)?

Thinking loudly again, searching for something. In the middle of working.

And here Miller on self help therapy (Stettbacher's), and Miller writes quite a lot about other methods, such as positive thinking, NLP, meditation etc. I can't name them all, and now it's time for bed really!! Maybe I should blog about this too?

Something of what I have done today. :-)

The pursuit of harmony...

I got a magazine “Amos” yesterday, as member of the Swedish church I think (a typically secularized Swede!). In it it was an article “Jakten på harmoni” (my free translation: “The Pursuit of Harmony”). There it stood that the soul is our latest project. It stood about the duty feeling well (!!! Can be used as oppression). In the article it was pictures of people training yoga...

I have meditated, trained Feldenkreis, taken massage etc. It isn't wrong in itself?? But if happiness becomes like a prescription then there is something wrong?? And can this lie in the power's interest? People smiling, happy, satisfied?

One of the last years a book by Thomas Johansson, a Swedish professor of social psychology, in (my amateur translation) “Makeover mania – about Dr Phil, plastic-surgery and the illusion of the perfect self” came. I have it and started to read it, but thought he was a little too Freud-influenced somewhere so I haven’t finished it.

But now when I am skimming it I read at page 226 (my fantastic translation again):

“The self-help industry is hardly a strong force for radical societal change or for drastic transformations in the sphere of intimacy. The outlook and perceptions which are presented rather have as goal to stabilise, preserve and defend the prevailing order. Possibly one could see the self help industry as an institution whose aim is to uphold the societal norms, defending and making clear a certain moralistic order. The advices and instructions we get are often about keeping the family together, strengthening the marriage, maintaining inequal relations, achieving/performing [be clever!! Which also can be forbidden, at least for some! You shall but you shall not, double-bind. The extremely trouble-making perfectionism!?], praising success [and the less successful can draw something over them, if they have little or maybe even no success when it comes to recovery too!?? Are treated with contempt for weakness even by so called enlightened, even if they don' harm any other person!? What is that? Bullying?] and caring about our health.”

Confusing? You shall, but you shall not!?

Johansson is VERY critical to Dr Phil…

In the end of the article in Amos a psycho therapist (CBT) was interviewed. She says that all emotions/feelings are needed for us to be/feel safe/secure. Many are trying to change their person with the help of coaches and therapists, but noone can make oneself a new soul. This therapist is warning people for all traps those who are seeking a more harmonic life can meet.

-Now there are coaches for everything,

she says. And that's really true!

And she thinks (which is true), when you are in psychic imbalance you are even more easily fooled…

Harmony isn’t about permanent luck (but this can be misused too by the environment). But it’s a big difference to being permanently unhappy.

What I thought was interesting was the last paragraph in the whole article saying something in the style:

-Is it our duty to be happy?

-No. But self help books tell people that it is dangerous feeling bad. But we need ALL our feelings. The negative too, as shame [do we need shame??], guilt and fear to be able to protect ourselves.

A healed, recovered person won’t be happy all the time, because life isn’t like that? But a healed, recovered (or not hurt) person handle difficulties life always will contain better, more constructively, not hurting neither herself NOR others?

A good helper/therapist helps her/his client finding her/his own way? Without prescriptions or following a hand-book? And a good helper need to be very self-aware for not projecting her/his own things on the other person?

And once again, I think Miller is right (my translation):

If one uncritically cling to old methods' alleged infallibility (and she includes regressive techniques here AND primal therapy) and blames the client for failures, you inevitably land in the same fairways (waters) as the sect-guru, who also promises entire liberation. Such promises only produce self-destructive dependence which stands in the way for the individual’s liberation.

Addition: see this blog about the book mentioned above (both in Swedish and English).

Five cute girls (in our grade three, thus they are 9, or turning 10?) had concert for me today!! Yesterday evening one of my pupils phoned and said:

-When can you come? -???

At first I didn't know what she meant and probably looked like a question-mark!! :-) I was watching TV, about a problematic dog, and I was rather interested in seeing how they handled the cocker spaniel, so I was really in another world answering the phone at the TV.

When I had the last lesson with her on Monday she said she was going to play with four classmates who plays clarinet, a piece that is in her book too, in C major, on Thursday (which means today). She should thus learn this accompaniment in three days only.

-Hmmm,

I said,

then I have to learn you two variants of this piece! For sure.

Because I wasn't sure in what key they played, and tried (hard) to remember how I should transpose it. "Was it up or was it down??" My pupil was quite sure they had said that they played "c, c, c..." in the beginning.

Today they should play it for their class she said. I wondered at what time, and said to her mother that she could maybe send a text-message on my mobile to inform me. But my pupil phoned instead, radically.

When I had time going and listening to them they had already played for their class, so they had a private, extra concert for ME!!! Wow!! Not bad! :-) (And I had transposed the piece right! And x played the bass-notes in the chords, in b-flat, in both hands). Watch their hats!!

And watch some really hungry music-teachers in this slide-show too!! Ice-cream eating on the photos, after a LATE Easter-lunch, with inlagd sill (herring - again, but not fermented this time!! :-) Thank god!??) in four forms/shapes, cooked potatoes, meat-balls and knäckebröd with butter and hard cheese. But no vegetables!! I would have liked AT LEAST tomatoes, cucumber and lettuce (??), but also carrots to the herring!! :-)

Jane...

från promenader februari 2007.

Jean Jenson skriver i "Att återerövra sitt liv" på sidan 27-28:

"Jane har nu gått på ACA- eller CODA-möten en gång i veckan under mer än ett år och har läst många självhjälpsböcker om medberoende och dysfunktionella familjer.

Hon har lärt sig hur hon kan tala om för sin man att hon inte vill åka och fiska på deras semester eller träffa hans familj varje jul och att barnen ockå ska ha något att säga till om i dessa frågor (att sätta stopp); hon låter inte längre sin arbetskamrat utan vidare lägga armen om axlarna på henne och ge henne en kram (att sätta gränser); hon har slutat ringa till sina mamma flera gånger om året för att 'få' henne att göra en mammografi (att vägra att ta på sig ansvar som inte är hennes); och hon har skapat rutiner som gör att alla i familjen delar på uppgifterna i hemmet så att hon inte längre gör allt hushållsarbetet och dessutom arbetar heltid.

Trots detta känner Jane sig inte så lycklig som hon trodde att hon skulle göra efter dessa förändringar. Någonting fattas.

Jane käner sig fortfarande sårad, arg, förbittrad, åsidosatt, rädd för att säga och till och med för att tänka vissa saker. Hon kan inte bara koppla av och läsa en bok eller ta en promenad. Hon nedvärderar fortfarande sig själv, känner sig otillräcklig som maka och mor, och undrar om hon gör tillräckligt bra ifrån sig på jobbet.

Hon tycker ibland att hon är elak mot sin man och sina ban och att hon borde kunna kontrollera sitt humör bättre. Detta är två insikter som tycks ha utvecklats parallellt med henne nya förståelse för sig själv."

Jenson tror inte att de räcker bara med att lära sig korrigerande beteenden (s. 32).

Se inlägg om "Kristendom utan helvete". Min mormor pratade med oss (mig??) om att ett olydigt barns hjärta blev alltmer svart för varje olydnad... Det lät jätteäckligt, otäckt... Ett svart hjärta ville ju ett barn inte ha...

Se tidigare inlägg om disobedient child, olydigt barn. Se också Arthur Silbers Alice Miller-artiklar som många behandlar detta fenomen, med lydnad, olydnad...