Miller writes at page 50 in her book “The Truth Will Set You Free – Overcoming Emotional Blindness and Finding Your True Adult Self” in the chapter ”Evading Childhood Reality in Psychotherapy”:
“…anxieties cannot be dissipated if clients sense their therapists’ fear of their own childhoods. They will identify with that instead of seeking as adults to fathom their childhoods. They will merely end up reliving the panic of their traumatic early years without understanding it fully. Only systematic work on the history of their childhoods can give clients a frame of reference that will enable them constantly to improve their understanding of the crippling fears beginning to surface and to recognize their origins.”
Yes, systematic work would be needed.
Anxieties can be unconscious? And often are? We should need to get help recognizing them instead of playing them out in different manners. Playing them out without being really aware of it?
If one doesn’t get this help what do one do in the meantime?
Miller also writes at page 49-50:
“But the more strongly the parents’ urge to exercise power manifests itself as a way of covering over their own helplessness, the more enigmatic [difficult to explain] the language of the child’s symptoms becomes. Ultimately, there is no hope of any genuine communication. Only when the parents give up their bid for power can the child’s distress find a voice. We will not get very far if we try to escape the truth we are carrying within us. The denied truth will be with us wherever we flee. It will cause us pain, prompt us to do things we will regret, increase our confusion, and weaken our self-confidence. But if we face up to it, we have a chance of finally recognizing what happened, what didn’t happen, and what has forced us to end up living our lives in opposition to our most profound needs.”She continues with recounting the story of Birgitte and Henry both therapists in training, see this blogposting, where I have translated the English text to Swedish.---“Men ju starkare föräldrarnas drift att utöva makt manifesterar (uppenbarar) sig som en väg att täcka över deras egen hjälplöshet, ju mer enigmatiskt (gåtfullt, svårförklarligt) blir språket i barnets symtom. Till slut finns det inte något hopp om en äkta, genuin kommunikation. Bara när föräldrarna ger upp sitt anspråk på makt kan barnets trångmål finna en röst. Vi kommer inte att komma särskilt långt om vi försöker fly från sanningen vi bär omkring inom oss. Den förnekade sanningen kommer att följa oss varhelst vi flyr. Den kommer att orsaka oss smärta, den kommer att driva oss att göra saker som vi kommer att ångra, öka vår förvirring och försvaga vårt självförtroende. Men om vi försöker möta denna har vi en chans att slutligen känna igen vad som skedde, vad som inte skedde och vad som tvingade oss att sluta i att leva våra liv i motsats, motsättning med våra djupaste behov.”
Therapists and many (maybe most) so called helpers walk in the leading-strings of the power, and pass what's opportune at present or for the time being forward in their work with people.
Once again see the blogpostings on "See no Evil..." here and here, and also the blogposting on "Seeing, hearing or speaking no evil..."
But the trick is not seeking help in a sect or cult or with a guru. But seek help with persons whom can handle those things without using, misusing or exploiting ones plight. Miller has written quite a lot about this.
We can in the meantime try to write about these things and maybe narrate our histories in contexts and circumstances that feels safe? The more we do the better?
And it's true as Marie-Louise Wallin wrote in her article about Dr Phil "Boycott Dr Phil...", that
"...human beings can only grow in interplay with others."A truth with modification as we say? Because it can be the opposite too, even in therapies, where you are supposed (rightfully!) to get help. But in general we think much better when we talk about things in dialogs. In a giving and taking. Something that isn't so easy always, no...
On my own I wouldn't have achieved what I have achieved here in my blogs for instance?? That's absolutely for sure? And I hope what I have done has inspired and will inspire other people doing the same or similar things...
Silently thinking... And I am so grateful to many people in this world who have spoken up and continue to speak up! I use my writing as a way of processing things I read, meet, react on... And I use my blogs as a sort of library for myself, in collecting things somewhere I want to return to.
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