Being obedient and keeping quiet…

taken February 2, 2007.

Earlier postings under the label “being obedient and keeping quiet”… Political correctness today is to consume and keeping quiet!? What would the real, genuine rebellion be??

A friend had written a blogposting this morning "Sex, gender and loyalty". And I wrote a posting on my other blog the other day on "Progress or retrogression..." And I have also recently written a posting about "A new (or old) view on man..." And yesterday one about "Provokers..."

The themes in these postings: What is freedom actually? And what about being silenced? Who are being silenced and who are allowed to speak up? Who, what people, do we respect and who do we respect less, even look down on? Why? Some are worth more, others less? (some are met with contempt for their weakness and inability, but threated as they were entirely insensitive). Who are what and why? How come? And who are looked down upon??

What is actual freedom of choice, the honor of being human –what is that?, Paulo Freire and the pedagogy of the oppressed (who are actually oppressed and why?), about culture, the wish for unquestioning, unresisting obedience, working like beavers, keeping quiet and not whining or complaining… Taking yourself in the collar - if you have one?? As always , it is the victim's fault??

And that about oppression…

We can fight about who the oppressed are and if anyone actually is oppressed?? But what about mutual respect, where all are met equally? With the same respect and response?? And demanding the same responsibility of all (but more of the ones with most power!!??). Wouldn't it lie in all involveds interest ? But, yes, it is probably very painful... So we avoid it? And, no, you can't change anyone else! You can't tell "You should! You ought to!" Each person must realize her/himself?? And that can be very painful if the person you like (or think you like)don't want to change?? And what can our needs (of changing another person) be about?

Each one of us have responsibility for ourselves, what we do, say etc.

And if you have no one else to oppress, who do you then oppress? The cat on the rope...

Is oppression something innate? I don’t think so… I don’t think all has needs to oppress anyone else. That there doesn’t have to be a fight about power, who is above and who is below.

And I think these relations are the best?? There you can really enjoy each others?? You can relax and use your energy on other things?? On more constructive and life-giving, life-supporting?

Life is no lack of pain, and will never be?? But you can handle it better or worse?? Depending on how much you have in your backpack – or how little?? If you have little (or have got the opportunity or had the luck to process what you have, or had, there) you handle inevitable difficulties better?? And hopefully don’t contribute to harm, to wars (bigger OR smaller) etc.?

In some newspapers here it has been standing that feminists (who are said to hate men!!?) are better in the bed… But maybe that's too scary for some men?? See for instance here, here, here ... But this too can lead to other forms of oppression!??? A sigh...

What is true compassion, empathy, care? And genuine respect?

How was it now with Procrutes bed?

"Procrustes (the stretcher), also known as Damastes (subduer) and Polypemon (harming much), is a figure from Greek mythology. He was a bandit from Attica, with a stronghold in the hills outside Eleusis.

There, he had an iron bed into which he invited every passerby to lie down. If the guest proved too tall, he would amputate the excess length; but if the victim was found wanting in height, they were then stretched out on the rack until they gained the required inches.

Nobody would ever fit in the bed because it was secretly adjustable: Procrustes would stretch or shrink it upon sizing his victims from afar [!!!! I didn't know this part of the story before].

Procrustes continued his reign of terror until he was captured by Theseus, who 'fitted' Procrustes to his own bed and cut off his head and feet (since Theseus was a stout fellow, the bed had been set on the short position). Killing Procrustes was the last adventure of Theseus on his journey from Troezen to Athens."

People being adjusted... To a norm, that wasn't really communicated by the power? Smart!! People don't knowing exactly what to react on?? I see a father in a family here... Exercising power, and reigning by terror. Changing the rules as suites him.

And we see this in other circumstances: where some are squeezed into a form, made smaller etc.? And being silenced of different reasons... And in different manners?

Of many things, of regard for others who would feel too small if this wasn't done?? Oh, what view on man??? Were do our values lie?? How do we value man? Who are valuable and who less valuable?

Procrustes was an oppressor!!? And there are other smaller (and subtler) oppressors here and there??

Maybe we don't see this ourselves!!?? That (when) we behave as our fathers (or mothers) behaved?? But it IS a difference when it comes to our behavior against other grown ups compared to that of kids??? But, yes, we have always responsibility for our behavior. How harmed we even are. As grow ups we ought to be able to talk about it... But yes, I guess this can be extremely painful... Why we often avoid it... No, this isn't easy!!!! But shouldn't the "understanding" be mutual??

Still feeling out of balance... An older friend said to me that I am thinking so swiftly and make connections between things, in a way all don't, and that this could be disturbing for some (!!!! Of course shall think of this!!??)...

Maybe I am like this as teacher too?? Making all sorts of connections between things?? But I am balancing this by being an organizer too?? Yes, I think this old friend also had noticed this actually? It can be too much of this; it can be harmful for myself if it isn't harming anyone else??? Enormously responsible-taking!!?? Too much still?? This people also have seen? And appreciated, and maybe also taken advantage of and relied on (let me work).

And our "director of studies" once said something about my loyalty to my work-place (oh, I get creepy feelings in my capillary matrix).

Hmmm, yes, I guess I AM artistic??? That I in fact have such talents?? Writing and saying it - scary... Hearing, seeing, sensitive (in a way and probably less in other ways?? Yes, I think one can be both/and!)... But we (still) have prejudices about artist-people that they are bohemians and no organizers??? It probably is in some (or even many) in cases, but it isn't always so!!?? Many aren't, otherwise they wouldn't have reached the level they have??

And maybe that's a problem for me; that I have interests in a lot of directions??? Not focused (in that manner)??

And it is true that I am a clever girl!!?? But I wonder if that isn't harming myself more than others??? Harming myself not so little sometimes??

And on top not valuing myself really!!?? Some can't understand this? They can't put it together?? But others see it? That I am not taking a lot of space, and is wanting and needing to be seen and have all the light on me... In fact, that's something scary... Having the light on me, people looking at me, listening. watching?? While there at the same time is so much I want to communicate!! And express. Touch...

I am seldom neutral when I am speaking about things? But I can still be very shy and quiet?

Being allowed to speak up and use the voice you have... That you should be allowed?? Who and what do we silence? And who are allowed to speak up and allow themselves to speaking up?

The effects/results of silencing people??

And, yes, many men ARE bullies, and they have to stand for it!!!

Came to think of Jane Fonda and her autobiography (also see here), where she writes that she until her sixties adapted to the men she had and about her strivings to please them in all possible ways (including joining group-sex with prostitutes when she was married to Roger Vadim and lived in Paris. Not wanting to be accused of being "bourgeois"!! A bit funny today, when things are so "bourgeois"!!). And she looked really great!! Not to loose them... Denying herself and who she actually was... She writes about her eating-disorders (bulimia)...

If we want to Break any Walls Down where do we start?? Or try to start?

"...with adult freedom and responsibility come the potential to break silence, to use voice and language to promote internal integration, deeper external connection, and a social transformation.

Through communication – integration within ourselves and connection between individuals – we can become whole; embodied, aware, vital, powerful”

(Jennifer Freyd in the chapter 'Removing Blinders, Becoming Connected' in her book 'Betrayal Trauma…').