A 12-year old girl you have to draw the words out of, playing very carefully, not down into the keys really (as we say)… I am reacting and wondering… Trying to make her play out (while others are really playing out!).
-Don’t be afraid of doing that!
I try to "encourage" her, but maybe not exactly with those words... (but what am I actually seeing and maybe reacting at?)
-Yes, mom has said I ought to take more space!
Oh yes, so it is!! SHE should! She is the youngest of four siblings. The oldest is a sister (now studying to teacher), and there are two brothers between those sisters... I have met her mom several times, but I have no picture of her dad... Absent? How is he??
-I ought to…
the child thinks. I.e. it’s me there is something wrong with! But why isn’t the child taking more space or so little space? But does she behave like this everywhere? I am not sure.
And, on the other side, there are others trying hopelessly making the not so sensitive more sensitive, seeing, hearing, sensing, being (more) emphatic and (more) compassionate etc. (I probably belong to this category?? Struggling to make a certain kind of people, I can't describe them really, more sensitive? Less stiff or I don't know? I can't describe this in words. But I truly react at a certain kind of people; "impersonal" people?? Both if a woman and if a man are!? Feel very uncomfortable and disturbed, wondering over my reaction/s. And it looks; reacting in other ways than many other people around. Feeling rather confused over the different reactions and of course thinking it's me that it is something wrong with!?).
Probably the woman reacts the more the less sensitive the other person is, until she (usually a she) realizes that she won’t get what it is she now wants from this man (usually a man)!?? She (usually a she) struggles hopelessly to avoid the truth - and the pain which this triggers??
And the child is blaming itself because that’s easier than realizing the truth?? Yes, it is in fact easier to blame oneself, even if that doesn’t feel good. Also is painful. But that is probably less painful than realizing the truth. And by blaming oneself you also get the false idea that there is something you can do about this?? You can become better, you can take yourself in the collar (and repress your needs, feelings etc.), you an change?? But can you? Or does it help how much you try to change? The other person will still react with irritation or anger or even outbursts?? Or not react at all??
A grown up can deal with this easier than a child. But we still have many problems with this as grown ups, or maybe a lot of problems. How isn’t it then for the child?
Or you can deny that you have any needs, that what’s happening doesn’t matter! Then you can’t get hurt, aren’t being hurt!!! Making you more or less insensitive for not only yourself but also for others?? And being more or less emotionally handicapped?? Having difficulties with real, genuine nearness?? Which you maybe not realize yourself, because you don't know you are lacking something you haven't experienced?
Or you can react with everything ranging from irritation to anger (even raw anger) and by this get a feeling of power. Denying for yourself that the child you were actually didn’t have this power?? The child was helpless, powerless, defenseless…
This irritation and anger is contempt for weakness? Contempt for the small child one was once. The weak, power- and helpless child one was once, unable of protecting itself, coping, handle things, the defenseless child one was once. Blaming itself for what it was exposed to, and how it was treated… Its own fault it was met as it was met.
All this covering very painful things??
Just some thoughts…
And it isn’t just about intellect or intelligence… Intellect and intelligence can rather fool one.
And, yes, there IS a certain form of snobbishness among some intellectuals, or a special sort of intellectuals (rather)?? Thinking they know and can everything? Riding the high horse. Actually showing contempt for weakness!
But all intellectuals (or intelligent) aren’t like that I also think - or hope. No, I think all aren’t.
There are intellectuals and intelligent with both empathy and compassion and sensitivity, even a lot of sensitivity???
The child (usually a girl) trying to please, by adapting, changing herself, stretching herself... Taking this pattern with her into adult life. There going on with this pleasing behavior. Maybe till she can't stretch herself any longer...
Wondering...
This, not least, triggered by experiences I have had myself recently, things that has nothing to do with my pupils or with the girl I mentioned above at all. I only used it as an example to reflect around... I am not so little ironical I want to add... Some (we??) are using very fine words, but living as one learns can be a little different from what you learn?? And admitting this and trying to do something about this... Maybe I am blind me too?? I don' exclude that... And I am definitely not the one extremely sure of myself... Oh, how horrible, isn't it?? I ought to be!!?? Of course I ought to!! Too sensitive, over-sensitive?? Yes, of course!!
Thinking loudly...
Now going to the grocery store at last!!!!
Addition: You can (and/or ought) to communicate this? And one can also try to change another person in different ways?? Some in the false hope that if they manage with something, manage to change they will make the other person more accessible, sensitive etc. etc., another thinks he/she can by showing their irritation or anger??
Further thoughts on the bike to and from the store before lunch...
PS. Nephew J., soon 11, was tremendously incensed the priest had forced him and his comrades to sing Twinkle, twinkle!!?? How childish!! :-) The priest had to fasten his eyes on them to make them sing!! So now this priest isn't popular at all! :-)
I had to smile, amused by this tough little upset chap, but tried with glittering eyes:
-Do you know, there are teens playing Twinkle although they are maybe up to 18-19-20 years!
-It's childish! And they don't SING it!!
Singing Twinkle is much more shamy than playing it!? :-) But of course you have to respect this!! That he thinks it is shamy I mean! :-) But he still accept hugs... Of course one want to hug him!!
I had him and his parents (one of my sisters and her husband) on lunch...
I also added a video with "Spanien" (Spain). :-) Probably an extremely childish song too, and maybe (no, most surely!!) even more childish than Twinkle!??
Inlägg
Inga kommentarer:
Skicka en kommentar