A nail in the foot…

I have started to read a book about Social Grammar. There it stood about people replying that it was worse 70-60 years back (during the depression) in the work life, if someone is complaining about the stress and press today.

The author writes that he has never understood these arguments. That people today aren’t allowed to complain about how they have it today because people had it worse earlier.
For the first this is no sign of social competence – always comparing with someone who had it worse.

We have a classical and famous sketch here about a “nail in the foot” ("Spik i foten!").

“A nail in the foot!?? During the French revolution people would have been glad if they had had a nail in the foot!!”

The author thinks that the principle must lie steady: Each human being has her/his right to her/his suffering, irrespectively of how many there are that have had it worse. If it wasn’t so it would only be one person on this earth (and during all history) who had the right to complain, and that is the one who had it worst.

But this social competence includes wondering over in which situation and to whom I am complaining.

But I think it is "similar" with Social Competence as with Emotional Intelligence… The Dutch therapist Ingeborg Bosch writes in her book at page 82 about Daniel Goleman and his concept Emotional Intelligence:

“The reader should be aware that many of the ideas on emotional development put forward in Mr. Golemans book are contrary to PRI [Past Reality Integration therapy] ideas. In PRI it is not considered as desirable for young children to control their ‘socially undesired’ emotions or feelings such as fear and anger. When this sort of behaviour is desired by adults of children PRI regards it as poisonous pedagogy.

/…/ Also, many of the behaviors that are considered by Mr. Goleman to be essential elements of ‘emotional intelligence’, are considered by PRI to be defenses (False Hope and False Power Denial of Needs) employed in order to avoid feeling pain. The general profile of Golemans ‘emotionally intelligent’ person fits the PRI idea of someone who is quite defensive, albeit in a socially desirable way. This might therefore lead to social success, while simultaneously sacrificing contact with the True Self and inner autonomy.”

And Jennifer Freyd writes at page 195 in her book:

“For a child dependent on abusive caregivers, lack of internal connection can help maintain some sort of external connection to necessary others. But I disagree with those such as Daniel Goleman (1985), who suggest that while truth is generally a good thing, some times even privileged members of our society are best served by living with ‘vital lies’ in which the truth is best kept from oneself and one’s intimate partners.”

From today's walk. It is icy everywhere. It snowed yesterday... After my fall yesterday I still feel it when I am coughing or laughing...

Eskil suddenly threw himself down into the snow and started scrubbing himself, first on one side, so the next!! He needs to get trimmed or cut?

Before and after that he ran here and there in the wood, behind me and in front of me... Awoke on the right side today!? Despite the weather. He is a weather-dog, when it's raining he doesn't want to go out! He senses this before he has even stung (??) his nose out!!! And he isn't a morning-dog, which suites me fine!! :-) And suits many here fine too!!

He also likes when there is people in the house?? That's fun?? :-)

Now I am going to bake bread, and hopefully practice piano for some hours, so vacation I have... Need it.

Baking bread and listening to Ann-Sofie von Otter… This music is so passionate (at least to me trained in it) and she is singing so well… Practicing piano while the dough is rising (used cold water, so this took a couple of hours). Look forward to a cup of tea with honey, still a little warm bread with butter and cheese…

See earlier postings under the label EQ.