Emotions...

First movement from piano-concerto no 2 by Sergei Rachmaninoff played by E. Kissin.

Addition February 16: in the magazine "Opus" there was an article "Rachmaninoff's life in a new light". Where it stood that this concerto was dedicated to his mistress Lena Dahl (a dedication which was changed to Dr. Dahl, as it stands today?), daughter to a Dr. Dahl who treated Rachmaninoff with "hypnosis-therapy", curing him.

After many years of writer's cramp, depression and addiction (it doesn't stand what sort of) put in layers with a hectic life as touring star-pianist and director he had regained his creativity and self-confidence, much thanks to that he fell in love with this Lena.

But Rachmaninoff married his cousin Natalia Satina, with whom he got two daughters. His grandson Alexander Rachmaninoff /son to Rachmaninoff's youngest daughter Tatyana), director of "the Serge Rachmaninoff Foundation" reveals that his grandmother, Rachmaninoff's wife, just before she died told her grandson the true story; that Rachmaninoff kept in the contact with Lena Dahl his whole life (Rachmaninoff lived 1873-1943)!!

Did Rachmaninoff keep two loves alive, to two women, his whole life? One warm, caring and mild, the other explosive and passionate?

Addition in the evening: I have just returned from a concert. So relieved it is done. Have accompanied four young men. In a concert with other smaller violinists. In the old gymnasium here, in a beautiful assembly-hall. With a great acoustic. And the grand-piano was fixed so I didn't have to work so hard!

Sit down after an almost full work-day and concentrate and focus on what I should do... With over 50 pupils a week having time to practice, which is certainly needed i this case...

People around one shall be social to too. And I still have problems being in focus. But of course here the soloists was and should be in focus. But I think it can sound fairly well when I play?? And these pieces weren't easy... So I am not entirely invisible... Even with this I have problems.

And actually, after our lunch-concert January 31, my companion and our "director of study" said to me that a colleague since many years, a very good flutist (which I have played with a lot) said that I am the best accompanist... Of course I felt proud and glad, but...

So many things in the society and around me also make me feel a lot, astonishment, rebellion, anger... And I also try to write what I feel at the same time as I have to manage my work; have over 50 pupils a week, in ages ranging from 6 to 19 (or 20) with all different interests and motivations... And on top keeping my own playing running... And manage to focus when I shall play with young people on concerts, and doing it in a way so I don't destroy for hem... Having my own nerves in check.

The young men seemed to be very satisfied, which makes me so glad... Actually three of them made reverence to me when they thanked for the applauds, appreciating and grateful in a really nice and way. A mutual respect I hope. And this really feels as an honor!!!

I had to hug two of them, took them round their shoulders from the side, showing I like them. I hope respectfully doing this. Hugging with real warmth. These boys/young men belong to a group I am one of the responsible for... And three of them are new in the group since this fall.

k, the fine-cultural person!?? Yes, I like classical/"serious" music, but other music too... There is much of a certain sort of Swedish folk-music in me too... And I like our child-songs... Rock and pop too... etc. And I wish I had got the chance to continue with my dancing... Danced ballet when I was 9-10. And as grown up I have danced jazz a little... And cooperated with dance-teachers for some years, and thought this with dance is very interesting: jazz-, free- etc. And here they dance all sorts; street- something...

Now take a breath and plan the lessons for tomorrow. Starting already in the morning.

But I think I have to watch so I am not active from almost directly I have gone up from bed till I go to bed. Write a little less?? Try not to be so upset over phenomena in the world??

What a pity this video was so suddenly broken before the movement was finished, but this recording was so great!!! With a great pianist. And music with a lot of emotions... The music we played this evening also contained a wide spectrum of emotions and expressions...

Addition February 20: I found the second part of the first movement!!??