Even more thoughts...

a summer's day in Trolldalen, in the linen-county Hälsingland 2007 (have to dream myself away).

“To desire and strive to be of some service to the world, to aim at doing something which shall really increase the happiness and welfare and virtue of mankind - this is a choice which is possible for all of us; and surely it is a good haven to sail for" (Henry van Dyke)

[uppdated February 15 in the end]. Back from work... With a slight head-ache...

Actually almost broke into tears to a female colleague. So tired. Tired to death. Tired of working and working, struggling and struggling... To please all and everyone??

There was a girl, maybe 4 years old (I don't know)... She got spanked by her dad to learn a lesson many, many years ago, half a century ago actually? Yes, I think she needed that lesson! But this dad wasn't consequent enough. He didn't succeed to teach her the lesson she ought to have been taught.

But I still don't know for what she had to learn this lesson. What she was punished for, for not understanding or doing right.

The results of this lack of understanding you see today. So sad to see!!

He should have beaten her more??

Otherwise I don't advocate spanking at all, for any child. And definitely not for teaching it a lesson (and even worse not telling the child for what the child is/was punished). Not spanking the child neither with hands, nor with "tools" of any kind (including not with instruments).

And not punish it in other ways either. Definitely not if the child is left in confusion for what reason it is punished, whether physically or emotionally...

Except though for that little girl then... 4-year old and impossible to teach anything!!! (I hope the irony goes forward). This little girl showed how difficult she had to learn later everywhere...

I came to think at work (with the head ache coming lurking): and if women aren't accepted when they raise their voices and they instead start to talk about weather and wind... Start to speak about other things, for instance in diary-form... If I should start to write a public diary, say in blog-form, I guess there would be people joking about that...

Convenient garbage-can for what?

Things they ought to process (read: many men ought to process)? Which actually are (and should be) their problem and something they should take responsibility for, the more as they aren't small boys any more but grown up men!!??

That about pouring out things on innocent (i.e. people that had nothing to do with what these abusive, maybe even bullies to men, experienced as small boys, things the latter punished couldn't possible have had anything to do with! As they didn't live at the same place and maybe not really in the same time or even "era")... Pouring things out, ranging from irritation to anger!? In the worse cases in physical violence (sometimes ending very badly).

And that about understanding each others, mutually? Even though it should be something else when it comes to understanding a child compared to understanding a grown up person!!??

As for instance understanding women struggling so they almost walk on their knees in False hope... Isn't that her own "fault" and responsibility!!?? That weak creature!! Can't she just "take herself in the collar"!?? A male therapist said: "Yes, of course!! That is, if she has a collar to take herself in!!"

Should all (all noone) be understood, by all (or noone)??

A friend wrote a a blogpost about blaming the spirit of the age for deeds of persons like Hitler... Others fault you commit even the worst crimes??

I came to think at work: who has been in power for regimes in the world murdering people? For the Holocaust? During Stalin? Mao? And more recently for genocides in Africa?? For wars during all the history of man?? Has women been in power? How often??

Is it the bystander's fault, the bystander who doesn't intervene, come to rescue, who is at fault?? The one committing a/the crime isn't responsible?? Not responsible because he/they had been harmed when they were small children (small boys), by their mothers (and fathers!!!!). So now as grown ups they can't be blamed because of what they suffered then?? These men don't have responsibility for their own problems?? Problems dating back to then!!? But women have to take responsibility for their own problems, including their lack of abilities and capacities??

Men can take these things out on others?? On women, children, animals, things, on whole countries??

Again even at women and children who didn't cause these early wounds...

But women surely have to take responsibility for their problems!!?? Isn't it so??

Many me are seen as (and see themselves??) as granted discharge? But are women allowed the same? Are they granted discharge in the same degree? Or maybe hardly at all to that degree or are they at all granted any discharge?? No matter how harmed that woman even may be!!?? Harmed by her father (a man) too, maybe???

But still, I think all grown ups have responsibility for their own problems... For the effects and results of them... We can work on these things... And we can apologize... And wanting do make things better. Especially for those standing us nearest???

With this not said I am good at this? I have a lot to learn still??

In an exchange with a friend she (yes, it was a she and she is married) said:

"Hah!!! Your dad-relation!! Convenient to blame!! Because you react at how men are behaving and treating you (from above, with disrespect, minimizing etc.)! Of course people react if they are tramped on!!

And think if it is so, that a person with a sounder parent-relation, including dad-relation, reacts even more on infringements and violations??? And I don't think you are swift to misinterpret... Many men ARE pigs, and they have to stand for this!"

PS. And the dad above was in lower middle-age and more than 10 times heavier than this little girl... And he was physically strong... (very, very ironically). But he needed to exercise power against a small child...

It wasn't a mother spanking her teen-age boy (or teen-age girl)...

If that is comparable? Yes, both sorts of spankings above are extremely humiliating, and none of them are right at all, (addition February 15: and both with no question to be condemned)... That I want to underscore.

Today both are criminal (addition February 15: spanking small or older children), here in Sweden and in many other countries... But then they weren't...

Addition February 15: A friend thinks it is more common that small children are (and were) beaten. She wonders how come (very, very ironically, even swearing)?

Yes, I was in despair when I wrote this... Felt hurt... And humiliated. I felt out of balance the whole day at work, and my whole body was in uproar. I felt sick. Wondered if I was about to get a stomach-disorder. One of my pupils said her little brother was sick in this... And the next day (yesterday) I should accompany in a concert... Supporting others again... As so many times?? "Taking myself together" - as so many times... Clever, strong, managing... I who belong to the "weak gender"... with a deep sigh. But how are we treated sometimes? As shit?? And as we were least of all weak or sensing, and not reacting??

And I definitely don't want to minimize neither the former nor the latter above, once again!!! Or not weigh any of these things against each others!! That one should be worse than the other! Because it doesn't function like that! And there are probably prehistories in these children's lives.

But the small girl beaten by her father wasn't less hurt than the teenage boy beaten by his mother!!?? Both are ALL wrong! And with no question bad!