In the revised version of Miller’s ”The Drama of the Gifted Child” she writes in the chapter "The Vicious Circle of Contempt" (at pages 129-130 in the Swedish edition) about something one can observe in almost all psychiatrists, clinical psychologists and therapists, namely that they certainly don’t use words like bad, dirty, filthy, mean, egoistic or ruined, but between themselves they are talking about ‘narcissistic’, ‘exhibitionistic’, ‘destructive’, ‘regressive’ or borderline patients and don’t notice that they are giving those words a depreciating meaning. You can imagine that they in their abstract vocabulary, in their objectifying attitude, yes, even in their theory-building (making) and their passionate diagnosing have something in common with the mothers' contemptuous looks/glazes, originating from the well adapted girl (boy) in them.
PS. Miller also writes (page 145 in the Swedish edition of ”The Drama…”) that a human being who has worked her/his own destiny’s tragedy through consciously (been able doing this, probably with help) can at last (much more) plainly apprehend her human fellow beings suffering, even if that person still has to belittle it.
She can’t make fun of (or scorn) other people’s feelings, of whatever sort they are, if she can take her own feelings seriously. She will not let the vicious circle of contempt continue.
She will show genuine, real empathy and compassion (my addition)??
Also see this Readers' letter at Miller's web "Why they wanted to kill us", where Miller answers:
"Your letter shocked me very much. Although I have written it myself, I am shocked every time when someone can understand with his/her own feelings where I am coming from. Maybe this is why the most talented children attract their parents' hatred because their aliveness, curiosity and intelligence show them what has been strangled in their parents. But sadly, all this happens in the unconscious. Hatred is covered up by assurances of love and 'legitimized' by lies."
PPS. Miller about a Hans (page 142 in the Swedish edition of "The Drama...") who had had to struggle seeing everything from above. He had had to fight against a pressure to achieve and had been living his whole life under an enormous stress and pressure, isolated from all and everyone (my fantastic translation, maybe a little freely):
"Not until now Hans understood how he in his contempt had had to isolate himself from the other and how he at the same time had been separated from his true self; the helpless, unsure part.
As soon as the sorrow over the irreversible appears [that you can't change the past, and realizing the truth about it, that you weren't truly or unconditionally loved then] the contempt disappears regularly. Even this contributed in its way to the denial of the past’s reality.
It is of course less painful to think that it is ones own fault that one didn’t get understood. Then you can make efforts explaining something to the other to save the illusion of unity (‘if I only express myself properly’) [struggling and struggling till you get blue, or exhausted, burnt-out?].
But if one gives all this up and stop making every possible effort one has to experience that understanding in itself wasn’t possible, because the suppression of the own childhood-destiny made the parents blind to their children’s needs [and one stop symbolizing, i.e., being drawn to people with whom this is reenacted?]."
Smiled when I watched this video... Yes, I like trees too. A friend thought I was very fond of photographing trees... :-) I hadn't thought of that... I don't know if it is really true though?? But trees and the nature means a lot to me. I have tried gardening a little... And farming a little too, as we had a small farm when I was in my teens (we didn't live there though), and we have had animals...
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