Processing abuse experiences from so called help-groups and forums...

Came to think about the ourchildhood forum once again… Thinking loudly.

I think it’s important to process ones experiences from a sect or cult… (but it shall not be a prescription either, doing that?) To talk about it till you have talked about it enough…

And you can’t put everything back to childhood or to your family of origin (and maybe not even to a present dysfunctional family-building)! Some things you have to deal with here and now and don't put it back to anything but what you have just experienced. Under this you will possibly or very likely have to deal with earlier experiences, but not until you have dealt enough with the present, and actual abuse (which shouldn't be talked away)? And once again, if you get stuck - why is that? There is nothing wrong with the helper or the method you use?

Therapy abuse as sect and cult experiences you have to process I think. And probably talk about till you are free from these things? If you can’t let these things go it’s because you haven’t (got help) to process them I think. But I know people are encouraged to leave a subject (both by "helpers" and "friends") because now “it’s time doing that”. Because "that person has to think of something else, and don’t get stuck"!? (But why are people stuck?? And don’t get forward?).

And Miller writes that the utmost, the extreme form of silence is suicide. And suicides have occurred… Which is horrible. Because people didn’t really want to listen, whether this was conscious or unconscious in the “listener” and noone else wanted to listen (not even or not least those who were subscribers too at the same time and thus witnesses, but maybe not consciously knowing, and belonged to something looking like a sort of sect and cult?)? Helpers who thought they knew best what the one in despair needed???

Censoring (by rejecting postings) with no explanations except a message “Post was received” – what can that cause and what is that (quite authoritarian isn't it)? Don't the responsible have time writing an explanation, and thus not leaving the subscriber in wonders and fantasies and maybe even confusion? And what does it cause and has it caused?

Others on the list: have noone wondered where that and that person disappeared? And why?

And once again, this behaviour isn't it the same as many of our parents probably used, and as Miller has written about herself? That the parent didn't explain her/is behaviour and punishment. And the message turned out to be "If you don't understand why you are punished, rejected then you have really proved your badness! Seek, search for, do you utmost..."

How would people in real life react to a similar treatment? With anger? Some just walking away? And who are capable of just walking away, of leaving? Who are capable of processing this experience the best? Isn't it the less hurt??

If anything: in those circumstances it is even more important talking openly, and really communicating things. As honestly as possible, if you really want to do good (and how is t actually with that quite frankly)!?? Open, genuine talk. To avoid damage and abuse. And if there is nothing to hide I don’t understand what the problem is.

And people much be allowed to question and maybe even criticize, even strongly, forcefully criticize!? And be met in this, not being just "dismissed"!

Brainwashing can be very subtle? And very obvious too without people noticing it?

Miller writes in her book “Paths of Life” at page 157 in the Swedish edition (my amateur translation):

“Among the founders of the sects there are many paranoiac and megalomaniac [lidande av storhetsvansinne] psychotics who in the crowd of followers are seeking protection against their own agony in that they offer themselves as helpers and healers. /…/ they want to escape from their childish impotence/powerlessness and fight impotence/powerlessness on the symbolic level. At the same time they offer themselves as saviours, since they at last through their followers eulogizes feel powerful instead of powerless. But as soon as they fear being seen through/found out they force their disciples to silence.”

Miller (or her “team”) haven't met people (whose ability to question has got awoken, maybe through the exchanges with the others on the list and through processing and thinking on what is happening and wondering about it), she and/or her team has met people trying to point out “problems” with the ourchildhood forum not so good or professionally I think, from the experiences I have and what I have heard. Instead of listening and meeting the one writing people have been met with silence and if they have persevered even been threatened with retributions… Especially women have been I have a feeling, men have been (a little) better treated. Of some reason... I may be wrong.

And Miller has underscored (is this only my interpretation?) the importance that a therapist has adequate training and that he/she has revoked suppressions as much as possible to avoid projecting things on clients, and for being capable of handling transferences without hurting the client (help-seeker) even more...