Horowitz playing...

Sonata in C major and Rondo in D-major (I think). Played by Vladimir Horowitz. He was silent for many years… Couldn’t play. A great pianist really...

The Swedish pianist Käbi Laretei couldn't play either during a period of her life, when she had just passed 50 (she was round 52 or older?), a period when her parents died (a year between)... Her first book has the title "Who am I playing for?" Yes, who was she playing for and whom did she go on playing for later? To earn her parents love?

She also seemed to have had a relatively extensive love and sexual life. Her first love was a much older man. And she got her first child, Linda when she had passed 30, in her first marriage with a Swedish conductor... And I wonder if some of these experiences have marked her? Or she hasn't been able to process them and what's maybe underneath?

She has written quite openly about all those things, so they are no big secrets!? Yes, she has (and is) a bit diva-like, but at the same time she sat at a fire-place where we lived and drank tea in cups of all shapes and sizes and forms... She was quite self-centered, but could also show interest in us!? So there was and is both/and in her?

We, young women (over 30 years younger), admired her a lot, when she, a middle-age woman (56 years or something?), came in a sari a warm summer's day to the classes. Colorful and beautiful still in her middle-age. She looked better by the years (but was good-looking as young too).

But I guess she wasn't easy to live with!?? I don't think I should have wanted to live with her, even as a woman, and even if I am not drawn to women...

In her last book she is mentioning Alice Miller, but I don't think she has understood Miller really... Maybe it's some of her kids that have introduced Miller to her? Daniel or Linda? Käbi was no good mother, least to her oldest child, a daughter. She abandoned her for Ingmar Bergman. Bergman wanted to have Käbi for himself (needed a mother?) and no kids around really!! Not even his own?? And Käbi found herself in this!! I am not sure I would have...