Politics and poisonous pedagogy…

Are there parallels?

“It doesn’t matter! One has to dress (so one doesn’t freeze)!”

That it is chilly indoors, one has to adjust to simply? Chilliness out of no reason, because it isn’t about lack of money that is the cause to the cool temperature...

“It doesn’t matter!”

about being controlled concerning the use of the telephone. Again not because there is lack of money.

For having no needs or demands (at all) you can get a reward? Or prize? A big, “glorious” reward? Storms of applauds? Very upset writing...

Making things wrong is a catastrophe? You can’t get loved unless you aren’t perfect (= conditional love)? Perfect in every single little detail and respect (and therapists in therapy: how do they see those high demands on perfection, very ironically? As a character flaw?)? And noone will ever become… Or rather; they didn’t love because they couldn’t, their lack of love had nothing to do with the child. Their inability to love didn’t come from the child’s character. But this is too painful to realize. It is easier and less painful blaming oneself.

There is a stubborn refusal to take proper care of herself.

A burden of responsibility, and guilt, was put on the child(ren). A heavy burden…

The children couldn’t develop freely; use their energy on their own development. Tied up with invisible ties…

Everything should be perfect: perfectly fixed up, the children neat and cute and well-mannered and modest, the garden later perfect as the yard, the etiquette was important (in a way)… If it hadn’t been perfect (and when it wasn’t, because it was seldom perfect) what then?

Very often (if not always) grading the food she has made: too little (or much) salt, to this and that... Depreciating. So as to be in advance of an (or two) internalized parents??? Proving to them she knows how bad she is?? I wonder how much I have got of this??

My one year younger brother uses to tease and says:

"They weren't enough salted these meatballs, too much pepper..."

He too being in advance of her self-critics, phew!??

Yes, this with the cleverness…. And when you can’t manage being that perfect of whatever reason, not least out of age, what then?

Can that mother truly love or be there? Occupied with other things, herself not least… And of course all this fixing up, being the perfect wife, mother and also lady of the house for people dad could take unexpectedly with him from work (we lived at his work-places).

And what our politicians show is contempt?? Contempt for people, and not (genuine) respect or a wide variety of feelings either… Oh yes, strong feelings, but against and NOT FOR!!

They believe in the poisonous pedagogy: For your own good we need to… They think they need to educate and teach people. Passing the contempt for weakness further they learned very early in life and have kept denied behind many, many locks? Tragic and very damaging (destructive) because there unprocessed things befalls other people! So the effects can be really harmful, yes, even disastrous!

I saw the leaders of the alliance parties yesterday on TV and couldn’t watch further, wanted to vomit at their appearance… And the school minister said something that was filled with malicious pleasure and even enjoyment, delight.

How does one handle this attitude from the politicians, of malicious pleasure, of contempt for people and for weakness and all other similar attitudes? In the most constructive, really efficient way, in the constructive way?

Their attitude probably triggers a wide variety of reactions in people: in some as me disgust, in others it functions as approval of the same contempt and of treating other people, some people badly… In other harmed people this attitude from our politicians causes thunderous applauses, enjoyment and yes, malicious pleasure, but they don’t know why and they don’t care about why?? The pleasure when people get “corrected” and punished and suffer because of the punishment, the more the better, whether they deserve it or not, that doesn’t matter at all?

In others this attitude of contemptuous attitude and entire lack of sensitivity and empathy causes another reaction, which comes as automatically, triggers something, but with another result; rather a strong against-reaction??

Early experiences all these never have gotten help questioning and seeing as wrong, but now afterwards regard as love and for their own good?? We needed to learn?? Measure executed by complete individuals, standing high above us??

But what did we learn?

Our school minister, whose ideas I dislike from deep in my heart, is educated officer, major I think. Some use the expression baton-major… And his ideas are applauded by horribly many! What have he and they experienced? And haven’t child-raising improved more since I was a child???

One can get afraid of the dark for less…

Yes, “the more defended tend to lead”???

After a 30-minutes walk in rain, coming home almost like a drowned cat: How does one teach children respect? Genuine, real respect? And the lack of respect: Where does it come from? Why don’t they show respect? Can it be because of lack of respect? And that they have been treated disrespectfully? Probably from earliest in life?

Is the right measure more of the same? Is punishment the right measure? Or what should we try with, do?

The power can punish without being forced to explain why he is punishing?? Authoritarian, totalitarian!

I will write more about this later… Referring to what Miller writes about poisonous pedagogy and politics…

Addition in the evening: In fact Arthur Silber writes about similar things in his essay “Four More Months of This Crap? Noooo…” And writes great as usual. I have to smile at this title!!! Addition July 3: I have blogged about this essay (translated parts to Swedish) here.

I have to quote:

“…in an article I wrote two and a half years ago, I set out what I consider a significant part of the explanation. (Precisely how these dynamics initially take root and the often complex ways in which they operate require a longer explanation, which is the one I hope to get to in the future.) In ‘The Roots of the Politics of Power,’ I noted Alice Miller's term ‘poisonous pedagogy’ and her explanation of its meaning:

‘Poisonous pedagogy is a phrase I use to refer to the kind of parenting and education aimed at breaking a child's will and making that child into an obedient subject by means of overt or covert coercion, manipulation, and emotional blackmail.

In my books For Your Own Good and Thou Shall Not Be Aware, I have explained the concept using concrete examples. In my other books I have repeatedly stressed how the mendacious mentality behind this approach to dealing with children can leave long-lasting imprints on the way we think and relate to one another in our adult lives.’

In introducing a further excerpt from Miller, I wrote:

The following is from one of her first books, Thou Shalt Not Be Aware. We should note the revealing subtitle: Society's Betrayal of the Child. As Miller once again makes clear, it is our childhood experiences -- and learning to internalize completely the obedience-denial-idealization mechanism -- that explain so much of our adult behavior.

And those earliest experiences and their resulting psychological damage also throw light on the nature of politics and political debate.

Here is Miller:

‘There is a good deal else that would not exist without 'poisonous pedagogy.' It would be inconceivable, for example, for politicians mouthing empty cliches to attain the highest positions of power by democratic means. But since voters, who as children would normally have been capable of seeing through [see the child in 'The Emperors New Clothes'] these cliches with the aid of their feelings, were specifically forbidden to do so in their early years, they lose this ability as adults. The capacity to experience the strong feelings of childhood and puberty (which are so often stifled by child-rearing methods, beatings, or even drugs) could provide the individual with an important means of orientation with which he or she could easily determine whether politicians are speaking from genuine experience or are merely parroting time-worn platitudes for the sake of manipulating voters. Our whole system of raising and educating children provides the power-hungry with a ready-made railway network they can use to reach the destination of their choice. They need only push the buttons that parents and educators have already installed.’”