Facades…

I bought a new parasol on Friday, had to use my creativity to keep it on place! :-) Let's see how I solve this? And I bought new cushions to my sun-chairs too. There was nothing to choose on though, but I had no patience to go to another shop so I bought these. But they are ok. :-) I have ONE pile of books on the balcony (my small, narrow,but nice balcony) and a lot of unread books in my book shelves. And I write a lot in my books (so I have to buy them, I can't borrow them at the library).

Loudly and spontaneously thinking a warm summer's day… Madeleine Åsbrink writes at page 20 in her book that many of us clench our teeth and put up a facade which isn’t true or genuine. The work this demands takes a lot of power and doesn’t lead to any (or minor) change(s).

Many are afraid of what they shall meet inside. And ask themselves if it isn’t better clenching their teeth, buying a new house, changing partner or traveling around the world. Maybe life is good enough as it is (my comment: denial of needs)?

And she writes at another place in her book that many maintain that they feel well thinking of others in their environment. I can hear an internalized parents’ voice saying this. This made me think: What is a sound, healthy egoism and what is an unsound, unhealthy (also came to think of politics again: neoliberals admiring Ayn Rand for instance, interpreting and using her ideas to fulfill needs that are perverted in fact, are they trying, insensitively and egoistically in a way that harm others; trying to fill childhood needs, to fill a hole or gap that is bottomless, they will never get enough, but probably more and more instead)?

A sound, healthy egoism (should one choose another word, less loaded) is one where you are capable of caring about yourself, feel where your boundaries are etc. An unsound, unhealthy is the one where other people (the society and environment) have to pay for what you do…

A sound, healthy is the one where you constructively protect yourself, where neither you yourself or anyone else gets harmed.

She writes about people feeling feelings of meaninglessness over the life they live. And these feelings have come after many years of struggles to achieve and live up to a lot of things? Of course feelings of emptiness catch us up if we aren’t living our own lives really?

The soul – and body – is screaming??

“Stop fighting and start to live!”

The symptoms can take different shapes, all from returning lumbagos to deep depression (and all from constant anxiety to panic disorders). The reactions are stronger and more severe the less one live ones own life. And how many actually live genuine, true lives? But some do more than others, and don’t get so severe problems?

Åsbrink thinks a thumb rule is that the earlier you acknowledge the problems the shorter rehabilitation time, the quicker the recovery.

And she also writes about forces taking over, when one is no longer I contact with ones own will and ones own inner voice. It’s “achievements, and doing”, the environment and an inner slave-driver that has taken the control. Many mix these forces with their own will she thinks and say things like:

“I think this is fun and should have continued as I did before if the body hadn’t said ‘no’!”

Another one says:

“I want more than my body manages.”

Came to think about what Jenson and Bosch writes about needs and denial of needs… And what they write about mixing childhood with adult needs. And what needs aren’t possible to fill any more, needs that should have become filled then and that we ought to feel the pain connected to this truth and the realization of it. And needs we could (and maybe also should) feel here and now.

They think we have a defence, the False Power Denial of Needs defence, which the child resorted to to protect itself towards the truth. Because if I as child denied needs that didn’t’ get filled I couldn’t be hurt either. Maybe the child could even deny what actually happened. This was necessary then, but today it causes problems. As adults we continue with using these defences and we do it automatically they mean. We continue to defend ourselves against things we don’t have to defend ourselves against any more. Things we should be able to survive the truth of (though probably very painful realizations).

Both men and women use this defence, denying their needs, giving them a false sense of power, a power they don’t need. But we need other sorts of power today as grown ups?

Hmmm, yes, this was really loud thinking...

PS. Another blogger wrote:

“But let’s start at another place, and who knows where this posting will end? Let’s see. That’s exactly what has become so nice with blogging; one start at one place and from time to time end at another place then you thought of [when you started writing].”

Yes, that’s exactly how it can be! Reading this was a comfort! :-)

But the story which followed wasn’t so nice or happy, rather sad…