Being "a real man"…

Lars Weiss.

[Edited and slightly changed during the evening]. Today I got two thick books from my book-club. About two men. One was about the Swedish director Ingmar Bergman and the other about Adolf Hitler. Two books that has come recently here in Sweden, written by Swedes.

But here a posting about a not so famous man and a book that came ten years ago.

On Thursday I made a posting (in Swedish) on my other blog, which I put the title "The Honey trap or the trap of success..." on, on a phenomenon that was coined during the former decade by a Björg Aase Sörensen (from Norway), namely something she (??) called"honungsfällan" or "the honey trap"; the belief that one can continue working without limits just because it is so funny, and this can be to “walk into the honey trap.” I also got triggered to that posting by an insensitive comment on another person's blog and a TV-film on Wednesday which I didn't have the opportunity seeing then called "The Honey-Trap."

I was reminded about a book by a Swedish journalist Lars Weiss who wrote the book “Framgångfällan – om osynlig utbrändhet” or “The Trap of success – about invisible burnout” about his own experiences from working in the media (TV) in the midst of the former decade.

I want to translate parts of what I wrote and quoted in that blogposting, because I thought it was so interesting.

In his book Weiss punctured the myth that it is only those with “a lot of problems” whom are hit by exhaustion and panic syndromes. He wrote that he had a good life. A house in Provence, a home in a more fashionable place in Stockholm, friends over half the world, the kids (a daughter around 16 years, a son in is twenties) hadn’t caused any problems, the son was successful. There were no problems in his "marriage". Weiss didn’t understand ”what the fucking problem was.”

”I had been successful with most of the things I had done at work and I guess I was seen as a proportionately successful man in his best years [at this time he was 45 years], a decent comrade and a not too bad boss. So what the hell was this about?”

On a place in the book he writes about a physician he met who said to him:

“Do you remember that we talked about alcohol on an earlier occasion? How you said that it subdued (dämpade)? Yes, it is one of the most effective calming means that exist. Why do you think people drink so much? Why are so many people eating calming medicine?”

Yes, why? And what can alcohol use lead to? What does it lead to?

Later Weiss sought a therapist of some kind, what isn’t clear, but some kind of talking therapist (and Weiss tried all sorts of other therapies and helps, and he had means and money doing this too!!! Which he also admits to in his book!). This therapist said that he had met many high bosses, and revealed that we ordinary people have no idea WHO or HOW many high bosses in our society that had come to him with panic-problems and panic-attacks!!

My silent reflection: Men are able to conceal facts of this sort to a high degree? Or at least some sorts of men?

And as Weiss writes, revealing such facts isn’t consistent with being a boss, with a person people have (or should have??) confidence in and believe in (as I remember it, and as I interpret how Weiss put it)!!! Why shouldn't we trust in such a person? Don't we?

And he wrote something very interesting:

“Most people, in particular men in the career, would probably avoid talking openly about the things I have written about as ingredients in my condition [yes, he uses the word 'condition'!!]. Yes, maybe the stomach! All people I know are complaining of their stomachs. That’s allowed. A small gastric ulcer can even ginger up a pale personality! Stiffness in the muscles is also OK. /.../ But you can’t walk around at work saying you are dizzy in the head or that you have tunnel-seeing? Or that you are lying sleepless and splashing over in cold sweat?

Or that you have to excuse during a meeting to go to the bathroom to get your breathing in order [under control]?

And you can definitely not talk about panic anxiety. Or the fear for getting another panic attack.”

No, of course you can’t!! One has to keep up the appearance?? Women have easier admitting to such things, on good or bad, but maybe most on good; because if you are more prone to admit things it’s easier (or even the precondition) doing something about it! And maybe women also have fewer possibilities hiding problems like this too?

Yes, it was this with contempt for weakness? And denial of needs? And you definitely have to be a “manly man”???

PS. I don't use swear-words hardly at all when I am talking! :-) But Ingmar Bergman, whom I have written about in another posting today, did fairly a lot, so son to a (Lutheran) priest he was, or because he was son to a priest? :-)