[addition June 29 in the end, the posting is also slightly edited]. At page 64-65 in “The Truth Will Set You Free” Alice Miller writes about corporal punishment in schools (which still exists in the world, but not here in “…a teacher who understands these children’s fears [for a blow from the teacher, expending energy on observing the teacher so as to be prepared for the physical ‘correction’ that they feel are inevitable] might move mountains – provided, again, that the abused child’s reality is never played down.”
And it can be (is) something similar with other forms of correcting measures, of other nature, which aren’t of physical nature. The same things are true for grown up people? If they are fearing to be punished in different ways? Grown ups react in the same way? But are usually not (at all) as powerless as children??
She continues:
“We come across the same phenomenon in politics. As long as we are unaware of the degree to which the right to human dignity was denied us in childhood, it will not be easy to concede that right to our children, however sincerely we may want to do so. Frequently we believe we are acting in the interests of the children [for their own good!! Which is no excuse for what we do] and fail to realize we may be doing the very opposite, simply because we have learned to be callous [förhärdade, okänsliga!!!] in this respect at such an early stage. The effects of that learning are stronger than all the things we may learn later./…/
[The punished, humiliated children] are learning to fear their parents, to play down their own pain, and to feel guilty. Being subjected to physical [or others sorts of] attacks that they are unable to fend off merely [blott och bart] instills in children a gut feeling that they do not deserve protection or respect [they aren’t good enough for that they think]. This pernicious false message is stored in their bodies and will influence their view of the world and their attitude toward their own children [and other people’s children, and not least other people in general]. They will be unable to defend their claim to human dignity, unable to recognize physical pain [and other sorts of pains; emotional pain for instance, which of course also can be physical] as a danger and act accordingly [more or less unable to protect themselves adequately]. Their immune systems may even be affected. In the absence of other persons on whom to model their behaviour, these children will see the language of violence [physical and emotional violence, and maybe even sexual violence] and hypocrisy as the only efficient means of communication. Naturally, they will avail themselves of [benytta sig av!] that language when they grow up because adults normally suppress feelings of powerlessness and helplessness. This is the real reason why so many defend the old system of parenting and schooling.”
And this language is used by politicians we see today too! And because this language is well-known to so many is the reason why so many support our current school minister’s ideas - and all other “reactionary” (and "inhuman" or unempathic, contemptuous, in my feelings) ideas our current government has? No, I don't like it and their politics...
PS. Silently: I must be struggler, of the worst sort... Struggling with the most impossible things... Where the success is minimal, not even existing... I must think I am not worth anything better?? Responses or mutuality... Humiliating myself... But of course I can't blame the other part for this... And in fact, I am not ironical here, but very serious. I ought to know better. Why don't I? Am I so little worth? Not at all lovable? Seeking things where I can't get it?
Listening to (watching) the birthday celebration-concert (50 years) for and with Esa Pekka Salonen (he is from Finland, but speaks Swedish, too) and the Swedish Radio Symphony Orchestra, part 2. Here part 1 and here part 2.His home site. Håkan Hardenberg played so beautifully (his homesite here) in Piazolla's Oblivion (se below played by a flutist). I didn't know of this piece. I think Salonen has chosen both the music and artists to this concert in the Berwaldhallen in Stockholm.
Addition June 29: Skimmed Miller's "The Body Never Lies" in search for something. She wrote in the chapter "Kill Rather Than Feel the Truth" at page 136-137, about why people become criminals or murderers, about the rapist and serial killer Patrice Alègre:
"In each case he was killing the person who had condemned him to such unspeakable torments as a child [cruelly beaten by his father, the policeman, and being lookout to his mother when she was entertaining customers as prostitute]. He himself could hardly realize that fact. Hence he needed victims. Even today he asserts that he loves his mother. Because there was no one to help him, no enlightened witness to stand by him and help him admit to himself, become aware of, and understand his death wishes toward his mother, those wishes proliferated inside him and forced him to kill other women instead of his mother [but one can 'kill' in other manners: emotionally, by exercising power, seeing so people don't have the economic means etc.]This is the extreme. Miller also writes at page 135:
'Is it as simple as that?' many psychiatrists will ask. My answer is yes - it is much simpler than what we have been forced to learn in order to honor our parents and not feel the hatred they deserve [the effects of suppression and denial - and what can it cause if you have a lot of power?? As our politician leaders have...]./.../
The price for this illusion [about his loving mother in this case, and the illusion, belief that she wanted his best] was paid in this case by his victims. Feelings do not kill. The conscious experience of the disappointment caused by Patrice's mother, or even of the desire to strangle her, would not have killed anyone. It was the suppression of such a need, the disassociation of all the negative feelings unconsciously directed at his mother, that drove him to his terrible crimes."
"There may be many children who survive a confusing fate without turning criminal at a later date./.../Or you become politicians or leader... Or, yes, teacher... And pass what you experienced further on people under you. Even if your need (or even strong urge) to exercise power is disguised. Exercising power by for instance claiming that you do things to other people for their own good (in law-making, political decisions etc.), things which are in fact harmful in different ways, but you have no awareness of what you are actually doing or access to the origins of your acts or emotions connected to this.
Such a child may even achieve fame, like Edgar Allan Poe, who ultimately drank himself to death, or Guy de Maupassant, who 'came to terms' with his confused and tragic childhood by engaging with no fewer than 300 short stories. But he too, like his younger brother before him, became a psychotic and died in an asylum at the age of forty-two."
And those people who have learned to honor their parents, like maybe our school-minister, pass their unprocessed things further... Pupils and students shall learn to obey and keep quiet!!! And they need whips and carrots (rewards and punishments), if not they will never do their utmost or learn anything!!! (how does one create creativeness? Is it the old belief that the artists need to suffer to create the greatest master-pieces??? What rubbish!) As we grown ups also need rewards in form of for example money to make our best!!!???
Loudly thinking... Oh, please, can somebody help me saying things with fewer words??? :-) And (much) more condensed!! :-) But I get so speechless, so I get lost in a lot of words and emotions??
About the Alègre-case here and here.
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