Proportions…

Hermann Hesse.

Things triggered the following words, words which I threw down on a paper before my first pupil came: What is sin, shame? What is downright criminal?

What does Miller write about this? (I thought that somewhere she does, but where? About a talented boy growing up in a religious home).

And what does Jenson write about shame?

How is it with proportions here?

Yes, Jean Jenson writes at page 150-151 in the Swedish edition of “Rediscovering the True Self…” that shame is a feeling which is caused because we were treated as if we were bad, mean and evil when we were children. She thinks this has to do with that parents are learned to believe that human beings have an innate tendency to be evil, and Jenson adds that this doesn’t mean there aren’t evil grown ups.

We accept with a childish confidence without further notice that we have a malignant, malevolent nature which has to be controlled and if we don’t succeed doing this we ought to be ashamed.

“You ought to be ashamed!!”

Jenson is convinced that the feeling of shame is created when one is badly treated during childhood. And I think she is right. To survive this, the child blames itself.

Yes, Miller writes about that with proportions in “The Drama of the Gifted Child” in the chapter about contempt, the part about Hermann Hesse, at pages 130-136 in the Swedish paperback edition in the chapter “Det ‘fördärvade’ i Hermann Hesses barndomsvärld som exempel på det konkreta ‘onda’.” Translated it is something in the style “The ‘depraved’ in the childhood world of Hermann Hesse as example on the concrete ‘evil’.”

Hesse was left alone in a home impressed by goodness and purity; there was no room for anything else. Quite hypocritical. The boy was left alone with his sin and feels awful. Miller thinks Hesse reveals quite peculiar ideas in his (autobiographical?) book “Damian.” “The depraved” (?fördärvade) is quite harmless actually. Like stealing a fig in his beloved father’s room to have something that had been close to his father (so he didn’t even eat it either, did he)!!! Plagued after this with feelings of guilt, fear and despair in his loneliness. Followed by the deepest humiliation and shame when “the evil deed” is discovered. Steeling a whole fig – how awful!!

I think this can be applied to other things today too to small children. We who are much younger than Hesse have experienced similar things and maybe (or probably) felt awful shame over “deeds” and “crimes” that were quite harmless in fact, compared to other crimes. So ashamed, so in the worse cases we hardly didn’t want to live further. It was absolutely forbidden doing things (anything) wrong (at least in the small child’s world, with a more or less insensitive environment). Forbidden doing in fact quite harmless things wrong. Forced doing things right and perfectly. Or at least the child put these high demands on her/him?

And some people have the ability to infuse this feeling in us later on, even as grown ups, probably because THEIR problems with these things?

Struck me in the car to work about the topic file sharing which has caused a hot debate here; common among young people, for whom this is nothing which bother them. They do it gladly and a lot I can imagine.

And some can’t even steal a cake…

Many years ago I used to watch “Summer-morning” at Swedish TV. A programme for children with summer vacation. It was so nice creeping into bed again after breakfast watching this. I slept in a cottage at my parents’ and there was a TV on a lower cupboard so I could lie in m bed watching.

But there was something I reacted on in the young programme leaders (early twenties); how they reacted over a person’s behavior or what he/she/they said. I don’t remember the details now, but I remember their and my reaction. This got stuck obviously! Their shame on behalf of other people. And I reacted on behalf of those they got ashamed over!

Would anyone be ashamed over the things they became ashamed of if there wasn’t something in their background I thought already then. Would these things bother a mature human being? I don’t think it would!

But I think many reacts as these programme leaders did…

I don’t say I am free from this though… Hopefully I am much less today. The blood sugar low here, I hope one doesn't see it in the text! I just need to get something in my stomach and want to post this item nevertheless.

And at last, I also found these words at page 113 in “The Drama…” My amateur translation:

“The contempt is the weapon of the weak and his protection against feelings bringing the old life-history to life.”

“Föraktet är den svages vapen och hans skydd mot känslor som väcker liv i den egna livshistorien.”

Addition May 2: Compared to crimes committed in this world… Real atrocities. Homicides even. Serial murders. Soul murder. Terror attacks. Economical crimes. Real abusers. And other sort of crimes of different sizes...

Getting blushing red over what? How are the proportions? Do all these criminals get blushing red? Do they regret what they have done? Do they feel guilt or shame?

And are the worst criminals always punished?

All of a sudden I came to think of a friend who was son to a high boss in an old, venerable company where I live. In the news one evening they said that xx had died, and nothing more. Later they revealed he had committed suicide. He had taken a gun and shot himself in the mouth. This felt so awful. At this time I was round 24 or maybe a little older I think. My friend six years younger, and he was his parents youngest child.

This high boss was about to get fired from his job. And later it was revealed that his wife had had an affair with another man, and I don't know wanted to leave the marriage. This was too much? The shame too big? So he saw no way out but to end his life? He drove out to the country-side and shot himself if I remember right.

His life was less worth than the "honour"?

Who are silenced and who not?