from a walk April 17, 2007.[Updated in the evening, see the end] I thought yesterday about writing about my role as teacher, triggered by both this and that probably during a long time, and my possible influence on young people – in a negative sense. Of course? What do I have to contribute with?
But there was so much at work, so I hadn’t time writing then. And now it feels as I don’t have that inspiration or drive any longer. Probably temporary. But I will make a try.
I think we as grown ups aren’t aware of what we are doing always despite all good intentions. But as long as we try to have a good communication we can at least talk about these things.
And still, I don’ feel like a real grown up, am still feeling like a girl… What are they calling it in the co-dependency movement? “Grown up child”?
I got the great honour joining eight speech-lessons with my oldest nephew and two of his friends (they were 20 years and just below) and his sister (my niece, then soon 16 years) a little more than a year ago. And the speech-teacher said after our first initial telephone-calls that she thought I was younger than I was… I felt very ambivalent about this...
Sounding very kind? And nonthreatening? Mom’s cheerful girl? So she wouldn’t get bent to the ground, as a lousy and bad mother? Not adding to the burden of guilt on her shoulders? And not threatening dad with being a strong, competent woman?
Miller writes about a longing and wish to communicate directly, openly without taboos or ideological walls. Yes, many f us have that longing, but not always consciously? Many of us aren’t even really aware of it? Noone has helped us put words on it?
She writes in Path of Life that she thinks she has developed a greater patience by the years, because she thinks she doesn’t have to prove to other people something that is obvious to her any longer.
With time she has become more tolerant and patient she writes. She thinks she can wait for others easier than she has been able earlier, and that she can give others the time they need to convert or transform her thoughts in action.
The fact that she hasn’t felt less alone as twenty years ago (today thirty years ago?) has helped her in this she thinks.
Many people, autodidacts and professionals (fact-people) have with time confirmed her thesis, expanded and broadened them from their own experiences, both inspired by her and also totally independently.
She thinks it was very painful realising what she had done to her children of pure ignorance. What she neglected for their and her own sake. She thinks it was (and I guess it still is, when she today realises more and more) painful realising that with more information many things could have developed differently and better, and that much isn’t possible to get back. Things you can’t make it undone. For some this can be so painful so they don’t begrudge other people (many times own children) other and much better experiences?
She writes that most women she knows are glad that they at least today are better informed than earlier about how a small child sees the world and better informed about its most vital needs. The increased knowledge makes it easier to have a more open dialogue with their now grown up children and develop a new understanding for their grandchildren.
But still she thinks these people amount to a minority.
She writes that many get depressed when they one day with astonishment realises or establishes how they in their relation to not least their children and partner are lacking the freedom which they have longed from since their youth. Not always consciously longing?
Maybe they then feel as if they were in a sort of blind alley or dead end (återvändsgränd). As children they couldn’t find their way out. They had no choices, had to adapt to the environment, and as grown ups they don’t even know they have any alternatives.
If we get more aware about those stampings (??) we don’t have to behave like automats.
And yes, how does one handle these things as grown up?
How does one react when one sees things, or think one sees things? What is about me and what is about the other part? Now I am thinking about what I see among children and young people… And what I see in the interaction between children and parents. When it comes not only to pupils, but also to siblings, cousins, friends’ children?
So I act in a way that isn’t harmful for anyone, but constructive…
And also; how do I avoid myself too adding damage? And how do I handle if I see things colleagues do? How do we talk about these things?
The best way would be trying to work on ones own issues? And try to find people with whom one could talk about these things with (face to face would be the best?), in a non-moralizing way?
PS. This afternoon our Youth Symphony Orchestra has 25-year jubilee, with concert and buffet after the concert. Former colleagues coming...
There's a lot more I would want to blog about: the school... For instance a long article about our grade system (which has been and is a hot debate here) in the teacher's paper, which I got yesterday, and Education at a Glance, a report from OECD I was tipped about by a friend (a shorter version than the linked though), which I have printed out and started to read here and there. And, no, it isn't really about education at a glance (med en flyktig blick)! This report is 451 pages long, but my shorter version is "only" 58 pages long.
There's a backlash in society? Our current school minister is very authoritarian I think.
At wikipedia it stands about his political views (I didn't vote for this government, whose politics I don't like...):
"Björklund is often seen as a representative of the more right-wing, hard-edged faction of the Liberal Party. He has focused most on school issues, where he is known for his support for orderliness and discipline. He has criticized the Swedish schools system for being to 'muddled' and not focusing enough on knowledge. Among other things, he has advocated more frequent assessments and a reformed grade system.
In 2002, as first deputy chairman of his party, Björklund expressed his support for the coming U.S. invasion of Iraq and urged for Swedish participation in the multinational coalition."Updated in the evening: In a programme at the Swedish TV Beckman, Ohlson and Can, with for instance our current school minister (se above) and the director Suzanne Osten (her home site in English), they spoke about our “muddled” school - and “muddled” society in general (a deep sigh).
Osten said something I think was worth thinking of, a little freely related by me:
“Scared people are screaming about ‘muddle’ (flum)! They try to find one single solution to all problems! A kind of black-white thinking. We want to define all human weakness away. We have a dream of a hero [a father-figure, hard but just?], who shall come there and save us [the Swedish professor in religion-psychology Owe Wikström wrote something similar in one of his recent books; that he feared people would scream for tough leaders]. We live in a loveless society!”
They also spoke of the school achievements in countries like
Actually the Swedish actress Lena Endre said something about this in an interview many years ago, that there are noone among all our leaders and politicians who have visions for our society (something positive worth striving for), and she sounded upset over this.
They also spoke about how “we” (who are those "we"??? Maybe I'm remembering wrong what they actually said) rely on the society in all situations. Björklund mentioned (took as an example) a mom in a meeting at her 9-year old daughter’s school just outside Stockholm, where the mom said to the headmaster and all other parents and the teacher/s that she thought the school should look so the kids weren’t out at town at 9 PM!!! Of course one can wonder if THIS is the school's duty?? But this Björklund sees this single event as a sign for how we push responsibility away (all of us) and a need for teahing people personal responsibility (my free interpretation!) and of course he also advocate “harder grips”? Is this, one and only event, representative and to what degree? And if it is; what would the proper “medicine” be? I don't believe in his ideas (and I don't think Osten and the other two women did either).
We are too spoiled?
Many politicians are so fond of speaking about the individual’s responsibility today… Putting the emphasis on this. I just sigh. Of course I think we all have responsibility for ourselves, but there is a but... And this (authoritarian talk?) is applauded by many (??). I wonder: must the one exclude the other? The individuals and the society's responsibility I mean.
And why have people put everything in the hands of society – if they have? What are the roots for this?
And as always, some are overly responsible taking (but they are forgotten in the societal debate) and some are pushing their personal responsibility far away? But actually how many suffer from the latter “disease”.
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