Are you a "clever" girl?

Bréne Brown.

One of the books in one of my book-club this month made me interested and stirred my thoughts and imagination, namely “I Thought it Was Just Me” by Bréne Brown, that has come in Swedish, here called “Kvinnor och skam –hur vi kan förändra vårt sätt att leva.” Searched on the author and found her home site and an interview with her.

In my book-club they write about the book as follows (my quick amateur-translation):

“Women are often valued for their ability to please and adapt. This gives self-confidence to a certain form of achievement; one becomes ‘clever’ girl. And vice versa: if the achievement doesn't come off the woman easily gets shame-feelings.

These shame-feelings can influence many aspects of our lives: work-life, sexuality, our relation to a partner, children and friends.

Brown punctures the myth about the emancipated western human being - and shows that we instead can get far with increased insight."

On her home site it stands about what this book contains it looks:

"The quest for perfection is exhausting and unrelenting. We spend too much precious time and energy managing perception and creating carefully edited versions of ourselves to show to the world. As hard as we try, we can’t seem to turn off the tapes that fill our heads with messages like, Never good enough! and What will people think?

Why? What fuels this unattainable need to look like we always have it all together? At first glance we might think it’s because we admire perfection, but that’s not the case. We are actually the most attracted to people we consider to be authentic and down-to-earth. We love people who are real – we’re drawn to those who both embrace their imperfections and radiate self-acceptance.

There is a constant barrage of social expectations that teach us that being imperfect is synonymous with being inadequate. Everywhere we turn, there are messages that tell us who, what and how we’re supposed to be. So, we learn to hide our struggles and protect ourselves from shame, judgment, criticism and blame by seeking safety in pretending and perfection./…/

We need our lives back. It’s time to reclaim the gifts of imperfection – the courage to be real, the compassion we need to love ourselves and others, and the connection that gives true purpose and meaning to life. These are the gifts that bring love, laughter, gratitude, empathy and joy into our lives.”

Where have we learned this and why? Are people really of equal value? Aren't some worth more? Wondering like this brings feelings in my body and tears in the eyes...

See earlier postings on the topic shame. We also keep silent of shame...