Mirroring a child…

a nice picture on the ship Götheborg in Luleå (taken by my cousin B.).

In the car on my way to the hairdresser in my hometown, a trip on almost two hours in each direction, I got a lot of thoughts. About how I have been mirrored. As a truly lovable? With a value only by existing, no matter talents, outer appearance or anything?

I also came to think of relying on authorities; like doctors. When I was in my beginning teens the dentists discovered I had much too many tooth germs. And they thought they had to take them away or move them in the jaw. So I had to undergo many operations. The first was carried out when I was about to turn 13 I think and the last when I was 18.

I have wondered later: were they necessary? And what did it mean taking these teeth (as germs still) away? Sidetrack: when I search on this on the net it looks as it is more usual with lacking tooth germs (called aplasi or hypodonti in Swedish)! My one year younger brother also suffered from this, but not as "severely." We got a lot of attention from the dentists too for this, and for being so cute kids and such a cute, nice family (a sigh)!!

Thought there in the car (quite upset, angry, sad): what about rebelling against the origins of these "traits"; ones inability to truly mirror ones child (and giving it genuine self confidence) and rebel against exaggerated respect for authorities?

Further: One of my sisters said to mom this morning that she thinks the psyche affects the health (and body). Mom didn’t agree with this, she thinks it goes in the opposite direction that bodily illness can make one depressed (believes in pills and measures carried out from the outside so to say. She has worked as nurse). She thought that being sick influences ones mood. This means that if you cure your bodily (somatic) illness your mood changes accordingly. You feel better in your soul too when or if your bodily illness gets cured.

I don’t agree really… See Kirkengen’s findings for instance, and the ACE-study here… These findings supports the notion that adverse childhood experiences causes later ill health.

In the car I also thought (once again. I drove AND tried to throw some words down in my calendar at the same time) that just changing the behavior and thoughts isn’t enough to radically change things! Awareness or understanding isn’t enough either. But it is at least a step in the right direction, and maybe also more than many people ever do during their lifetime?

I also thought about symbolically reacting. It can probably give temporary relief, but the relief doesn’t last, sooner or later one has to act things out again, one has to react symbolically.

Thought about the father coming home from work, pouring his frustrations out in horrible outbursts on the family (not least the children). He never got less angry really (unless up in high age, but still he reacted at his grandkids in a way that made me drop my cheek as we say here; got so surprised, because suddenly I saw this? Something I had probably experienced myself as a kid, but forgotten?).

At last: Jenson writes that if you rewrite you history/story the failure is inevitable (translated from the Swedish edition).

My interpretation: if you interpret your reactions, problems etc. (even very cleverly) as results of this and that, you can be rewriting your story. People in successful therapy have discovered things they had no idea about, and discovered that it wasn’t really as they thought. But as bad as they thought.