Perfectionism, performance anxiety, stage fright – and unconditional love...

Some loud morning thoughts triggered by an article in the Swedish magazine “Opus" number 23/2009.

The Swedish musician, the trombonist, composer and conductor, Christian Lindberg in an interview:

“Jan Sandström [the Swedish composer] has taught me a lot about performance anxiety. For example, in his concert Don Quixote it is included to 'do wrong'. All those things people are taking beta blockers to avoid are there.

To me he said: 'You shall write a piece and if it becomes bad it shall be bad.' It's about the art of not being faultless.

A five year old kid drawing a drawing isn't thinking on what he is doing. But at six somebody says: 'How nice you are drawing' and after hearing such a thing he starts trying to draw nice.

I try to quit this.”

Do all kids react in this way? Yes, many do (most do?). But why?

Research has found that women tend to suffer more from stage fright than men. Why is that? They have higher demands on themselves and from the environment (on certain things at least, or no expectations on being able to achieve, even though they could make very good achievements in this special area). Girls and women are taught to think on all and everyone (usually)?

All those things belong together; perfect achievements, performance anxiety, stage fright!? You haven't become loved for the one you are/were, but for what you do/did and achieve/achieved (and if you was taught this early you continue being anxious and insecure, whether you admit to it or not, hide to yourself or others or not).

Therefore achievements becomes so tricky for many? Either you under achieve or over achieve, or switch between those two.

Because you had to achieve to get “love”, whether it was outspoken or not.

But that “love” was conditional, not unconditional.

Our conception of “love” is more or less crippled (in some people more, in others less) because we haven't experienced what love actually is?

It's too hard for a child to realize:

“But this is not love!!! My parent(s) don't love me!!!”

So he/she has to believe her/his parents love him/her. And put the blame on itself, because somewhere he/she feels something is wrong, without being able to put words on it (probably occurring so early in life so the child had no words for his/her emotions and feelings).

There is a say in Sweden

“The one you love you punish.”

You want to cause the person you “love” pain? Why is that?

Thus causing a person you “love” pain is a sign of ”love.”

“I do it for your best!”

To save and rescue you, and teach you how to behave...

About Christian Lindberg on Wikipedia, his official homesite.

The home site of Jan Sandström. Read about is "Motorbike Odyssey".

PS. The Swedish composer Sven-David Sandström

"...is a former member of the faculty at Indiana University Bloomington's Jacobs School of Music where he taught for ten years. At Indiana University he is known for casually sauntering across the stage rather than taking a bow after one of his works is performed."