IFS-therapy…

We don’t need more disintegration but more integration. From what I have understood about IFS-therapy: Imagining that we have different parts in us whom we can speak to (and who can speak to each other?) doesn’t support integration?

About inner child work:

“…letting clients imagine that they can get now or do now what they couldn’t then [by for instance giving their ‘inner children’ what they didn’t get then] undermines the healing process, even though clients experience relief in the short run.” (Bosch page 101).

And about (maybe solely) using our intellect (neo cortex) to understand and imagine what’s behind our current problems:

“…if we misinterpret the cause of the feeling we can inadvertently hinder the healing process, since in order to heal, it is important to be aware that a specific feeling goes back to something (be it a general or specific situation) and let ourselves feel that.” (Bosch page 101).

Jenson writes, in my maybe a little free interpretation: if we unconsciously rewrite our history the failure is unavoidable.

Because we want to avoid the truth to whatever prize, because it is so painful. Either we remember through feeling anxiety etc. OR we remember what we were exposed to but not with the feelings that should have been adequate, appropriate and connected to the event(s).

The child had to deny what happened, to different degrees, and needed to do so to survive. As adults we continue with this denial, because the truth is still so painful, but therapists mean that we can survive the truth about then today… But we need appropriate help with “confronting” (I am not sure this is the appropriate or right word, because I am not sure it’s about confrontation in the “aggressive” meaning) it.

If we try to fill childhood needs as adults it will always cause problems of different kinds and degrees therapists (Bosch and Jenson for instance) mean.

But I think we shall be very careful with choosing therapist. I think Miller is right there. See what she has written, in for instance the revised version of The Drama. Not least about regression (and primal) therapy.

In the meantime we can break silence by talking about those things or just by informing ourselves? And thus hopefully tear some, or in the best case, many barriers down and maybe this is the only help the less harmed need?

On top, a central message in Miller’s book “Paths of Life” is that the path to recovery differs from person to person, illustrated by the seven scenarios in this book. What is much less needed is a method (whatever sort) rather than a listening ear and empathy?