Being forced to adjust...

from Poland trip one week ago.

Some reflections yesterday (when I was about to walk down the stairs at home with a lot of things for a visit to work and for going north after I quited work I fell and hit my forehead and the blood gushed, had to be sewed at the hospital):

After 31 years in this work with the conditions we have had all these years I am a bit tired! We have to compete with other people about the rooms out on the schools. And we have between 50- 67 students on a full time employment; on top we carry the material with us (heavy note books in my case, instruments and recorders for other colleagues)…

My strained patience? Even more stretched!!?? And I am taught not being a nuisance to the parents, a lesson too well learned? Creating troubles with later: either understanding too much or too little?? How many aren’t taught from very early in life (both being encouraged and having role-models resonating like this):

“Oh, it doesn’t matter!”

Maybe having a mom resonating in this way:

“It doesn’t matter; one can…!”

It feels this is on the same theme as I started reflecting upon during our trip to Poland; about adjusting to all and everyone, and what it can lead to. Either that you later on adjust too much, and give up yourself, make yourself invisible, or that you can’t compromise at all?? If the small child hadn't been forced learning those lessons I think it would have been capable handling these things much better later in life. I think Bosch is right about being forced to share early in life, i.e. not being selfish. This is what makes you selfish, and not unselfish. OR too unselfish, unselfish in a way that can harm you sooner or less. Many tend to think that they are glad they learned not being selfish, thinking of others. Is that the phenomenon that it was done "for my own good"?

If you have adjusted too much, and/or said: It doesn’t matter. Then you maybe get an explosion in the end??

We have spoken almost all my work-life about the problems with our rooms out on the schools, but our bosses have all minimized and belittled the problem… So this probably also triggers my relation to my parents (bosses) and tendencies to belittle and minimize things in my life from very early!!??

Being loved...

an expression of true individuality (from Poland-trip last week)?

The inability of really trusting and believing people saying they appreciate, like or even love you where does it come from? From a mom and dad who couldn't show true, genuine, unconditional love from deepest in their hearts? A love the very small child needed, but a love the adult shouldn't have to need.

Whose problem is that? Shouldn't they question their inabilities?

If they can't or won't do this work whose responsibility is this?

Many questions, but I think I know what I feel...

I would want to write about being forced to adjust, and to take too much responsibility too early, and the different results of that, later... Something I started to reflect upon when we walked there in a group in Poland last week...

Roots of violence video...

Read Alice Miller's new article "The Roots of Violence are NOT Unknown. (The misled brain and the banned emotions)" here.

The superclass and oppression…

We had thralls or trälar (slaves) too here in Scandinavia, for instance during the Viking-era. And later people were held as thralls, but in another sense. They weren't literally in villenage, but still villeins in many senses.

Apropos the book ”Superclass; The Global Power Elite and the World They Are Making” by David Rothkopf a commentator on a blog wrote about oppression, here my a little free translation and additions:

“One can scream oneself blue and it doesn’t matter or make any difference. But remember that the power, the oppression is dependent on psychology to a large degree. It’s dependent on that there are enough stupid people. Not unintelligent, of course, but self-righteous and dumb (foolish, stupid).”

The blog-owner replied:

“Of course you are right, and do you know this is also what David Rothkopf points out, who means that it’s ‘smooth’ for the superclass to govern so long as the voters in the democracies don’t take their responsibility and inform themselves so they can vote rationally.”

Yes, the power has interests in that the people under them don’t!?

For instance, we should all be interested that all people got enlightened! That all had good schools for instance, and had the same chances getting good education, with well-educated teachers (in all respects). I.e., that we all pay taxes for this or contribute.

But it isn’t only a question of money; that we for instance pay for other people’s children (even if we don’t have any own kids), but not least that we don’t want competition on equal terms!!?? I don't have own kids unfortunately and I come from a well-educated family... From the middle-class and maybe not the lowest either. Something you maybe don't see (self-irony)??

And by the way, it feels to me as people use the systems how high or low taxes they even pay. I even get the impression that people use it more (and even much more) in those countries where the taxes are lower… I don’t know if it has with a “national character” to do. :-) I think people are alike all over the world from the beginning though.

However, in some countries people seem to be more loyal to the system - still? But the power has interests that people stop being loyal to it??? They use the method divide and rule more or less consciously. People are played out against each other. And they let the (invisible) power play them out against other people!?

I draw this even further to how it probably was in the family, what many of us all over the world, in all countries and cultures, have in our backpacks (things many had to suppress ad deny and pass to oblivion, and it’s the ones in most denial who needs the power the most!? Once again I think the psycho-historians are right about that the most defended tend to lead, and that power exists as a defence); parents playing out their kids against each other to keep being in power, being the “authority”… As if they should need this??? Can’t they earn it in other ways? More naturally so to say or how one would express this.

And siblings who aren’t exposed join their parents to avoid becoming exposed to the parents’ treatment. Something the therapists Jean Jenson and Ingeborg Bosch have met with clients in therapy. Who painfully and with difficulties have discovered exactly those things; how siblings joined the scorning of them for instance. It’s the same, or the similar, phenomena in the adult world, for instance in politics?? We re-enact things there whether we are aware or want it or not. Where for instance media join the power so they get the feeling that… I don’t know…

There is no true indignation or fury from people in the media for instance. Or those who show indignation or fury are very few, so we hardly notice them, and they don’t get as much space in media as other people get. I wish there were more courageous people in the world. Yes, people with more civil courageous!? I.e. people with more “heart”!

See more about divide and rule, in English and in Swedish, about backward psychoclasses.

Life...

What I ought to practice now, see the videos above (piano and orchestra parts on piano)... On top of having over 50 students. Can I manage this? The first and third movements in the concerto by Pergolesi demands most! I wish I had an own cottage or house so I could play whenever I wanted, and COULD practice without disturbing any neighbors...

So much on my mind I would want to write about on top of everything... And near, dear people with whom the contact is important...

The prerequisites for what I do... So I don't have unlimited time for writing. On the contrary. And it has been like this the whole time I have been blogging too. And the blogging hasn't been the only writing exercises either.

The Swedish percussion ensemble Kroumata...

The first video is a parody over the Swedish percussion ensemble Kroumata...The name Kroumata comes from old Greek and is a "collection-name" for percussion instruments.

What are, or can, playing percussion instruments be about? (getting anger out, temporarily though?). It looks so fun when my colleague teaching percussion instruments play with his percussion ensembles on our concerts! I would want to join the ensemble! :-) Or start to dance, or both! I can't sit still almost! But I AM very well mannered, so I do!! Sit sill I mean! Unfortunately!?

At last weekend after some hectic weeks with starting a new school-year, being on course... Hopefully with time for my own home now.

Pancakes (on whole grain spelt, which gives the pancake a "richer" taste, though more expensive than ordinary wheat!), homemade jam (on berries I have picked in the woods in Hälsingland) and a a piece of cabbage for supper - and a glass of milk to it. The weather changes rapidly, from sun to rain! It's a bit strange! I almost thought of lighting candles when I ate. Now it's already dark, how fast it goes.

Tip from other blog...

Tip from the blog "Do Nothing Day."